Will Tell Stories For Food

My WisCon Schedule

Wed, 22 May 2013 14:24:00 GMT

By some fluke, I am on five panels and not moderating a single one.

Little House on the Manifest Destiny
Fri, 4:00–5:15 pm, Senate A
Her daughter — who turned her onto writing — was a founding Libertarian. Her father, who she idealized, idealized the Native Americans he was disinheriting. Underappreciated prose stylist (greatest landscape- and handicraft-porn evar!), she gave us an ideal of firm, calm, warm, loving parenthood — embodied in parents who constantly and willfully risked their childrens' lives. Agrarian populist who founded a commercial empire on Western nostalgia, she domesticated the narrative of the American West, rendering cozy, intimate, and feminine — without softening its danger — the same era of peril, deprivation, and genocide that Wild Bill Hickock masculinized into "Cowboys and Indians" fun. Is SF's "frontier nostalgia" all Hickock, or did we inherit some Laura Ingalls Wilder too?
Marguerite Reed (mod), Evelyn Browne, Haddayr Copley-Woods, Naomi Kritzer, Victor J. Raymond, Benjamin Rosenbaum

Playing with the Shiny Muse
Sat, 4:00–5:15 pm, Room 634
Elise Matthesen was nominated for a World Fantasy Award in 2009 "for setting out to inspire and for serving as inspiration for works of poetry, fantasy, and SF over the last decade through her jewelry-making and her 'artist's challenges.'" Jo Walton has gotten necklaces for several of her novels and written poetry inspired by new work posted online by Elise. Others have written short stories, poetry, and songs. Every WisCon, ten to twenty percent of the membership writes haiku for earrings. What's useful and interesting about playing with the shiny muse? How does that work?
Elise Matthesen (M), Amal El-Mohtar, Naomi Kritzer, Rez, Jo Walton

History Diverges: Alternate History and "What if?" as a Fiction Sub-genre
Sat, 10:30–11:45 pm, Senate A
Alternate history can be so realistic that it may strike readers as more plausible than what actually happened (GoH Jo Walton's Small Change series would be a great example of this.) Beyond the fundamental "what if…?" question, what issues and ideas are we exploring when we read (or write) alternate history? What are we saying with the scenarios we put together or seek out?
Victor J. Raymond (M), Richard F. Dutcher, Chip Hitchcock, Naomi Kritzer, Michael J. "Orange Mike" Lowrey
(Something I found a little startling: I'm the only woman on this panel. At most cons that's par for the course, but it's a little surprising at WisCon.)

Sex Ed Curricula: the Good, the Bad, and the Actively Malicious
Sun, 10:00–11:15 am, Conference 5
Sex ed has been increasingly politicized in recent decades, with some states mandating "abstinence-only" programs and skipping all contraceptive information. Are there any sex ed curricula that are adequate and yet politically palatable? How do you find out what sex ed is being provided at schools in your area? Who do we lobby, and in the meantime, how do we make up for the inadequate information most kids are getting?
Shannon Prickett (M), Susie, Naomi Kritzer, Katherine Olson/Kayjayoh, Carrie Tilton-Jones

Books Saved My Life
Sun, 2:30–3:45 pm, Capitol B
"I can bear anything as long as there are books," says the protagonist of Jo Walton's Among Others, in one of those lines that probably speaks to everyone at WisCon. Let's talk about our childhood fandoms, the books that got us through hard times, the books we still turn to for solace, the books that saved our lives.
Jeanne Gomoll (M), Naomi Kritzer, Ellen Kushner, Madeleine E. Robins, Jane A Thompson

I am not going to be at the sign-out, but if you have something you want me to sign, feel free to just grab me after a panel or flag me down wherever you spot me.

Dentistry

Tue, 21 May 2013 03:50:31 GMT

I spent the day volunteering at Project Homeless Connect. While I was there, I picked up a list of low-cost and sliding-scale dental providers in Minneapolis and St. Paul, since I know a ton of people who have issues finding dental care.

Sliding-scale and low-cost does not necessarily mean you will be able to get what you need for a price you actually find affordable; however, this is information that might be useful to some people, so I scanned it in as a PDF (actually, two PDFs because there were two sides to the sheet and I only have Acrobat Reader. There may be a way to combine them into one but I haven't figured it out yet.) If anyone wants it, drop me a note either as a comment, a fb message, or an e-mail (same name I use for everything @ Google owns my soul dot com). I'll note again that it's only Twin Cities area providers.

Also, one of the things that bothers the hell out of me, in general, is the way our society treats dental health.

On one hand, decent dental care is treated as a luxury. There is no "dental ER" where a person in extreme pain will be treated regardless of ability to pay. If you are lucky enough to be able to find charity care in an emergency, you're going to be offered an extraction, because crowns are for people who can pay for them.

On the other hand, people with visible missing teeth are discriminated against in employment, joked about, and (in some cases) treated with disgust and contempt.

The rationale for this is the myth that virtue inoculates you against dental problems -- therefore, if someone needs a root canal, it's because they didn't brush. The problem with this is that it's bullshit. You can brush, floss, and use fluoride rinse and still wind up with catastrophic dental problems for any number of reasons that are totally outside your control, including whether you breathe through your mouth in your sleep, whether you suffer from GERD, whether your saliva is particularly acidic, whether your enamel failed to form quite right. You can break a tooth while eating a salad.

There are a lot of crazy societal double standards when it comes to poor people, but this is one of the more blatant.

PSA, plus talking about writing to a crowd

Sun, 12 May 2013 01:45:14 GMT

So, you probably remember the story of the McDonald's coffee lawsuit, where the woman spilled coffee on her lap. What you might not know is that the woman was really, really badly injured, requiring lengthy hospitalization, skin grafts, etc. This was due to the intense heat of the coffee but also because she was wearing cotton sweat pants. Knit cotton will glue itself to your skin when wet, and if it's wet with something that's scalding hot, it soak the scalding hot stuff right up and then hold it against your skin with great efficiency. If you ever pour scalding hot liquid on yourself, you want to get the hot, soaked fabric off your skin as quickly as possible. Sometimes you just hold it out, away from your skin, until the liquid cools; sometimes you need to take the clothes off.

Also, if you burn yourself, once you've gotten away from whatever is burning you, you want to get the burned part under cold water (or whatever you've got handy: snow, a cold pack, etc.) as quickly as you can. Don't just try to shake it off: you can avoid a much more serious injury by cooling the burn down as quickly as you can. This can actually make the difference between a minor burn and a really bad burn, and even if you know it's not serious, getting your minor injury under cold water can make the difference between a burn that stops hurting right away and a burn that's still hurting six hours from now. Minor burns can still hurt a lot.

Anyway, this is all prefatory to telling you that Lyda, Haddayr and I went today to be speakers at the Mensa MN Regional Gathering. It was sort of like an SF con with no costumes, but friendlier. Lyda wanted caffeine and a sandwich before we got started, so we went up to the hospitality suite, where I poured myself some coffee and then promptly knocked the cup over, dumping it down my leg, where the scalding hot liquid got soaked up by my cotton sock. (And my jeans, but jeans don't glue themselves to your skin when wet, so that was less of a problem.)

So at this small, friendly nerd convention filled with kind, welcoming people, I proceeded to swear loudly, kick off my shoe and rip off my sock, and demand ICE OMG ICE RIGHT NOW.

The good news (for me, anyway): I was left with just a mildly sore spot on my foot and not a really unpleasant burn. (I'll note that it is sore enough that I'm pretty sure I could have wound up with a really bad burn if I hadn't freaked out and yanked my sock off as fast as I could.)

The bad news: adrenaline and embarrassment are not a particularly good mix right before you're about to do public speaking. I think I am usually more collected and less disjointed when I do panels than I was today. Everyone was nice about it, though.

Election 2013: Don't Forget to Caucus

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 21:00:00 GMT

So mostly I just wanted to remind everyone that the Minnesota DFL caucuses are coming up this Tuesday. You'll find locations and time information and so on on the Minneapolis DFL site. You can volunteer as a City Convention delegate even if you don't yet know who you'll be supporting for Mayor, and in fact you should feel free to do so. The City Convention isn't until June 15th: you have plenty of time to research the candidates between now and June, and in fact you'll have lots of help. If you're a City Convention delegate, that puts you on the fairly short list of people who are really worth wooing. You will get letters, phone calls, and visits from eager campaign volunteers and the candidates themselves, trying to win you over (or, failing that, to establish themselves as a fallback choice for you).

I explained the process in a bit more detail last month. You can also read about the City Convention in 2010, where I helped endorse (and not endorse) school board candidates, and you can also get a sense of what these events are like from my post about the Senate District Convention in 2006.

If you want to go to the City Convention in June but really cannot go to your precinct caucus on Tuesday night, you can send a letter with someone else saying that you would like to be a delegate. (It really can be super short. "To whom it may concern: I would like to serve as a delegate to the city convention. Sincerely, Your Name and Signature.) This should at least serve to get you a spot as an alternate, and since there's always attrition, you have an excellent shot at getting upgraded.

Election 2013: Mayoral Free-For-All, So-You-Want-To-Be-A-Kingmaker Edition.

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 03:13:20 GMT

So, R.T. Rybak, who has been Mayor of Minneapolis for over a decade, announced a couple of months ago that he's not going to run again. Minneapolis city elections (with the exception of school board races) do not have primaries: instead, they use Instant Runoff. So you get the full list of everyone running and get to rank at least your top preferences (I think you're limited to three). Here is FairVote.org's explanation of How Instant Runoff Voting Works -- I'm not going to get into the details here.

Last time around (in 2009) there were 11 candidates. Now, last time, that didn't really matter. R.T. was going to win; Kolstad was going to come in a distant second; everyone else was going to be a footnote. This time, there will be a selection of quite a few serious contenders, and no primary to winnow them down to the top two. When R.T. won the first time, we went into the primary with four serious contenders. This time, there are already way more than four serious candidates, although sifting out the "considering a run" people from the "actually running" people is still pretty confusing. Betsy Hodges, Don Samuels and Gary Schiff are all running; they're all current City Council members. Jackie Cherryhomes is running. (Note: at this time, I would like to formally endorse ANYONE ELSE IN THE RACE. I am not a fan of hers.) Mark Andrew (former Hennepin County Commissioner) is running. Hussein Samatar (school board member) is running. Bob Fine and John Erwin (both Park Board) are both maybe running or maybe they're just considering. Tom Hoch (director of the Hennepin Theater Trust) is maybe running. I am quite sure this is only a partial list.

And I'm only talking here about candidates and potential candidates who have political experience, actual qualifications, a campaign committee, etc. Anyone who files (which they can't actually do until June) and doesn't withdraw will be on the ballot. While some cities have some significant hoops that you need to jump through (a large fee, a petition with some non-trivial number of signatures on it, etc.) I'm pretty sure that Minneapolis makes it easy.

My point here is that the ballot is going to be long. Really long.

DFL endorsements are always helpful to Minneapolis candidates, but this year, the DFL endorsement could be absolutely critical, to help the individual who gets it stand out from the (ludicrously) long list. All or nearly all of these people are Democrats. (Any who aren't, are Greens. Minneapolis Republicans who want to win elections have to pretend to be conservative Democrats. Actually, no, that doesn't work either. Minneapolis Republicans who want to win elections have to move to the suburbs.) The DFL endorsement could easily swing the election.

What this means is that alert Minneapolis residents have the opportunity to grab some seriously out-sized political influence if they act soon, and provided that they are available on April 16th (for an hour or two in the evening) and June 15th (for the entire day).

April 16th is when the Precinct Caucuses will take place. Here's the info page. They'll start at about 7 p.m. The "Ward Caucus and Convention Details" link will tell you where yours is. Go to yours; sign up to be a delegate to the City Convention. (There's a Ward convention, as well, where a City Council candidate will be endorsed; you'll have to do your own research into whether you care about being a delegate to that one.)

It is possible that your precinct caucus will be so well-attended that you'll actually have more people wanting to go to the City Convention than they have delegate slots. I think that in theory, caucus attendees are supposed to vote for delegates when more people want the job than there are slots, but in practice, the people who run the precinct caucuses don't want to deal with that and someone gets talked into agreeing to be an Alternate. Being an Alternate usually works out just fine; since the actual City Convention isn't until June, a lot of people volunteer to be delegates and then don't show up.

If you get a slot, block out June 15th on your calendar: you can't be a kingmaker(/queenmaker) in absentia. The City Convention is on a Saturday. You'll need to be there at about 9 a.m. and it will take the whole day and possibly part of the night. You are allowed to bring your small children but they will find it boring; if you can line up babysitting, you'll want to. (Occasionally, a candidate's campaign will arrange for on-site childcare. Note to candidates: providing childcare -- not just to your own delegates, but to everyone -- sends a powerful and positive message about your commitment to the inclusion of groups that often find barriers to participation.)

Sometime before June 15th, you really will want to pick a candidate.

You'll have lots of help making your choice. I should warn you that if you sign up for this, you are signing up for phone calls. Lots of them. Not because they want to hit you up for money (yet), but because they want you to support them at the City Convention. You may get some initial calls from volunteers, but if you want to talk to the actual candidates before you make up your mind, you will get to. Would you rather receive an e-mail that addresses your particular concerns? The candidates would gladly write to you. Do you want to meet the candidates in person? They would love it if you'd come to their group meet-and-greet but if those don't work out for you, a personal visit can probably be arranged because there just are not that many delegates. (I mean, there are a bunch of them. But there are a lot fewer delegate than there are Minneapolis residents, so that sort of very personal connection is much more manageable when the candidate is campaigning.)

Read their stuff, talk to their volunteers, go to their meet-and-greets, and pick the one you think will be an awesome mayor. Pick a second-favorite and third-favorite, too, and if there's anyone you absolutely, positively DO NOT want to win, you might keep that in mind, as well.

On June 15th, pack a bag of the supplies you would need if you were going to be stranded in the auditorium of a public school for 18 hours with nothing to do but listening to speeches from public officials. When you show up, you'll be offered stickers from all the campaigns; take your candidate's sticker. If you're undecorated, you're signalling that you are still uncommitted, which means you are a ripe, juicy target to be HOUNDED FROM ALL SIDES. (Of course, if you're still undecided, then by all means display your indecision and see what sort of pitches you get; you will have to make up your mind eventually, right?)

Speaking of hounding. If you HAVE picked a favorite, then once you're checked in and have your credentials and so on, take a walk around and look for friends who appear to still be uncommitted. It is FAR more persuasive to get that last-minute pitch from someone you know personally. (Be sure to bring stickers! People feel weirdly obligated once they're wearing a sticker.)

Your candidate sticker (/button/t-shirt) is important for a couple of reasons.

1. It's your admission ticket to the candidate's campaign room. At a city convention, this isn't anything fancy, but there will probably at least be pop and pizza in there, and you can go in and help yourself to snacks between ballots or during the boring parts of the convention.

2. Those stickers tell the campaigns who they need to get messages to. A floor fight at a political convention is a fast-moving, confusing operation, and sometimes they have a very brief period to get critical instructions to all their committed delegates. They can't do that unless they know who you are.

There will be a series of ballots and candidates will get eliminated. When candidates get eliminated, they have an opportunity to request that their supporters throw their support to someone else. You're not obligated by this; you can follow your candidate's pick or go with your own, if it's different. When a candidate drops out, their visible supporters are likely to get pounced on by people hoping to swing them in a new direction. You can play that game as well; you'll be seated in precincts, and you may find that you get to know the people sitting near you pretty well as the day wears on. It's a good opportunity to make a case for your favorite candidate as a fallback for them, if you want.

Anyway. Here's my main point.

In a lot of races, in order to have an impact, you have to commit either a lot of money, or a lot of time. In this particular race, you can commit a small but very specific amount of time and potentially have a huge impact. This is true even if you can't be a delegate (because you're 16 years old, say) -- block off June 15th to volunteer at the City Convention and help run the floor (or help run for pizza, or help buttonhole the undecided delegates...)

You can be the one to make it happen!

My MarsCon schedule

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 15:25:21 GMT

I'll be at MarsCon this weekend. If you're looking for me, here's my schedule:

Diversity of Character
Re(a)d Mars/Taylor (2nd Floor) — Saturday 02:00 pm
A lot of the characters in speculative fiction have similar personalities to most fans. Are writers limiting their audience by failing to include characters that express the whole range of diverse human personalities? Who’s good at doing this? What techniques do writers use to design characters unlike themselves?
With: Rebecca Chesin, Andre Guirard, co-mods.; Rob Callahan, Haddayr Copley-Woods, Rachel Gold, Naomi Kritzer

Designing a Magic System
Re(a)d Mars/Taylor (2nd Floor) — Saturday 04:00 pm
Fantasy authors often create new worlds (or slightly bend this one) to include magic. What counts as magic? Why are readers drawn to it? How can it serve a story? What are the things that can go wrong when including magic in your work? How much do you have to explain how the magic works? How do you keep it consistent and satisfying without letting it become a flaw? When is magic needed (or more importantly when do you leave it out)?
With: S.N. Arly, mod.; Haddayr Copley-Woods, P M F Johnson, Naomi Kritzer, David Schwartz

Clone Rights, and Those of Other Genetically Engineered People
Re(a)d Mars/Taylor (2nd Floor) — Saturday 09:00 pm
Would current law allow the genetically engineered to be enslaved or discriminated against? Why is there such a gap between the way much of science fiction treats such people and how they would have to be treated in reality.
With: G. David Nordley, mod.; Prof Tom Gardner, Naomi Kritzer, Kimberly Long-Ewing, Lyda Morehouse

Good Blog/Bad Blog: Modern Technology and Artists
Kruschenko's (13th Floor) — Sunday 10:00 am

What modern technology is available for artists (for self promotion, research, networking, other reasons)? Online research, boon or bane? What purpose can a blog serve? What things can go wrong? Discussion boards—good, bad, or dependent on how they’re used? Facebook? G+? Twitter? How can these be useful? When do they become a hindrance?
With: S.N. Arly, mod.; Haddayr Copley-Woods, Naomi Kritzer, Lyda Morehouse

Scrap Dragon

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 20:29:22 GMT

So, hey. I have three stories that were published in 2012: Scrap Dragon (a short story: appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction in their January/February issue; Liberty's Daughter (novelette: appeared in F&SF, May/June) and High Stakes (novelette: appeared in F&SF, November/December).

I put Liberty's Daughter up on my website. "Scrap Dragon" is shorter, though, so I'm putting it on my LJ.

"Scrap Dragon," in case you didn't know, was the result of this offer. The winning bidder was my college friend Fillard, so for those familiar with him: yes, he's the Fillard in the story; Heather is his wife; and Peter is our friend Peter Gunn. Fillard won the auction, wanted a story for/about Heather, and this is the result.

The story is after the jump.

(Oh, and yeah. I'm totally putting my stories up in the hopes that my friends, fans, and vague acquaintances with Hugo Nomination powers -- i.e., anyone who went to last year's WorldCon, and anyone who's already bought their membership for this year's WorldCon -- will read my stories, adore them, and nominate them for a Hugo. I might as well just OWN THAT RIGHT UP FRONT.)

Scrap Dragon

(Originally appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. January/February 2012)

Once upon a time, there was a princess.

Does she have to be a princess? Couldn't she be the daughter of a merchant, or a scholar, or an accountant?

An accountant? What would an accountant be doing in a pastoral fantasy setting?

The people there have money, don't they? So they'd also have taxes and bills and profit-and-loss statements. But he could be a butcher or baker or candle-stick-maker, so long as he's not a king.

No, I suppose an accountant might work. Very well. Once upon a time, there was a young woman – the daughter of an accountant – who had two older sisters. The oldest of these young women was clever, the middle was strong, and the youngest was kind.

What if she wanted to be the strong one? The youngest, I mean. And what if the oldest wanted to be the nice one? It's not fair.

I didn't say the youngest wasn't strong or that the oldest wasn't kind. But everyone knew that it was the middle daughter who was the strongest, and the youngest who was the sweetest and most innocent.

Maybe they just thought she was sweet and innocent.

Maybe. They lived in a palace — or rather, in a large and comfortable house, and if they were princesses I could give the youngest one a fabulous bedroom with a drawbridge —

She can have a drawbridge anyway. Maybe her parents built it for her just because it was cool.

Okay. But the important thing is that, because she was so kindhearted, animals trusted her. They would seek her out, and when she found one in need, she would try to help it.

That would be really inconvenient.

Being trusted by animals?

Well, if they'd seek you out. I mean, you're out for a walk and a stray cat comes up to you and won't go away—

Maybe it's a really nice cat.

Or maybe it's a cat that will yowl at four in the morning every day and wake you up.

But the animals trusting her is supposed to show you what she's like inside. She's not just nice on the surface; she's a good person.

Well, I like animals better than princesses. She can have animals following her around, that's okay.

One day, word came to their city that a grave threat faced them. The city was near an extinct volcano — or rather, a volcano that had been thought extinct. But a powerful and evil sorcerer had raised the spirits of the volcano, and it was now threatening to erupt. If the sorcerer continued prodding the volcano with his malicious magic, the volcano would spew forth fire and lava and the city would be utterly destroyed.

Volcanoes erupt because of tectonic forces, not spirits.

This was a magical volcano.

Look, if the sorcerer could manipulate tectonic forces, why would he bother threatening the city with an eruption? He could wipe them out just as well with an earthquake.

Fine. It wasn't a sorcerer with a volcano. It was a dragon, a vast and powerful dragon that could breathe fire and took up residence in the crater of an extinct nearby volcano but threatened, if not supplicated with gifts of gold and treasure, to burn the city to ash.

But I like dragons. Dragons are cool.

Well, so? I like the French and France is cool but that doesn't mean I like Jean-Marie Le Pen. French people aren't all good or all bad and neither are dragons.

Okay. I guess that's fair.

So, the city was under threat by the evil dragon, and if you'd let me make this person a princess she would have a reason for feeling personally responsible for saving her city. But she's not a princess. So I suppose the King —

Couldn't they live in a democracy? Even an Athenian democracy is better than a King.

—the Council of Democratically-Elected Representatives of the People offered a reward to anyone who could defeat the dragon. But more than that, they begged for all those who were brave or strong or clever to do what they could to save the city. If it had been a King, he could also have offered the hand of one of his children in marriage, but you can hardly marry the son or daughter of a Council of Representatives so let's just say they pointed out that anyone who succeeded in saving the city would be a very hot romantic commodity indeed.

Arranged marriages are kind of creepy. But marrying someone who was only interested in you because you'd defeated a dragon also seems kind of creepy.

No one's going to have to marry anyone they don't want to marry. Anyway, the eldest tried first. She set out to learn all she could about dragons – first at the library nearby, then, when she had exhausted its resources, to a larger city some days' journey away. She sent home letters when she could, sharing everything she'd learned, but it was a vast library and she thought it would be years before she'd learned everything there was to know.

So the second sister decided to set out to confront the dragon directly.

And she never returned.

What do you mean she never returned?

I mean that she died on her journey. There were people who said that the dragon had eaten her–

But I don't want her to be dead. It's not fair.

No, it isn't. Death isn't ever fair.

But I liked her!

Yes.

The people I like aren't supposed to die.

No.

So can she just be sleeping, if you need to take her out of the story?

No. She died, and so the youngest —

I don't think I want the youngest to try to defeat the dragon. She might get eaten, too.

But she's the city's only hope.

I don't care. I want her to stay home where she's safe.

That's what her parents said. “We've lost one daughter already. Let someone else lose a daughter next time.”

And she's the nice one.

Yes.

How is she supposed to defeat a dragon by being nice?

Other people said that, too, sometimes even where she could hear them. So the youngest daughter – whose name was Heather – decided that for now, she would stay home.

Heather had a book of blank pages, and she took all the letters her family had gotten from her eldest sister, with the diagrams of dragons and ancient philosophy regarding dragons and information about their nesting habits and lairs and so on, and began to organize it. Because, she thought, even if she could not herself defeat the dragon, perhaps she could provide a useful set of information to someone else.

But sometimes she would flip the book over, and from the back, she began creating a book about her sister, the one who had died. She had pictures that she had drawn, but she put in all sorts of things that made her think of her sister. There was a scrap of cloth from her sister's favorite dress, and a flower she'd pressed, and when Heather found a poem her sister had written she copied it out in the book. The funny thing was, her sister had loved dragons.

Because dragons are cool.

Which made it all the more ironic that she'd probably been eaten by one.

One afternoon she took her book and her lunch, called for her dog (whose name was Bear), and went to sit by a wooded lake not too far from her house.

The dog had better not die in this story.

The dog's not going to die. Not in the story, anyway.

Good.

They sat down by the lake. Heather took out her sandwich, and gave half of it to Bear. A nutria swam up and poked its head out of the water. “Hello, nutria,” Heather said to it. It didn’t swim away, so she broke off a piece of her sandwich and tossed it down to the nutria.

Is that a real animal?

Yes, nutrias are real. They’re rodents and look like a cross between a beaver and a really big rat.

Oh. That sounds cool.

The nutria shot a wary look at Bear, then climbed up on the bank to grab the piece of sandwich. Bear sometimes chased squirrels (and a nutria might have been sufficiently squirrel-like to chase) but right now he was more interested in getting another handout from Heather; he looked at her with a big doggy smile and wagged his tail. Heather sighed and took out another sandwich. Her food wasn't going to last long at this rate. "Go get me a sandwich, Bear,” she said to Bear.

Did he get her a sandwich?

Of course he didn’t. If dogs could make sandwiches, they’d eat them themselves. When the nutria finished its piece of sandwich, it sat on the shore of the lake looking at Heather with gleaming dark eyes, and Heather broke off another piece of bread and tossed it over. "Can you tell me how to defeat a dragon?" she asked it.

The nutria picked up the bread. "Why do you want to defeat it?" it asked.

Heather was a little startled that the nutria actually answered her; she talked to Bear all the time, and other animals some of the time, but she'd never had an animal answer her before. "Because if no one defeats it, it's going to come and burn my city to the ground," she said.

The nutria seemed to mull this over as it ate. "Know the truth that lies within you," it said. "And speak the truth that waits without."

Waits without what?

Without here is the opposite of within. So she needs to know the truth she has inside, and then speak some truth that's external.

You know, even with an explanation that's pretty cryptic.

It's advice from a talking water rat. Were you expecting step-by-step instructions?

Well, did she try asking it for something more specific?

She tried, but the nutria was done talking. It nibbled away the rest of the bread, then plopped back into the water and swam away. “Find me another nutria, Bear,” Heather suggested, but Bear just wagged his tail again.

One thing was certain, however. Heather still didn't know how she was going to defeat the dragon, but she thought the nutria wouldn't have spoken to her — and given her advice about knowing the truth inside — unless she did have the power to defeat it. So she went home, and quietly packed her belongings and left with Bear when no one was home. (She did leave a nice note on the kitchen counter, but she didn't want to stick around to explain in person that she was going out to fight the dragon because of advice from a talking rodent.)

Of course, she had no idea what the nutria was talking about. If it was the truth that lay within her it probably meant it was something she already knew and just hadn't fully realized yet, so she took her book with the information about dragons (and the pictures of her sister) and studied it when she would stop to rest. After reviewing everything three times, she still had no idea what it was she was supposed to know — unless the secret was that she was willing to ask unlikely sources, like nutrias, for advice.

There was a school nearby, and she could hear a bell that meant school was over for the day, so she waited while the children ran off and then went in to ask the teacher. He was a mathematician, although this was a small school so he was also expected to teach reading, grammar, and dancing.

They learned dancing in school?

Yes, in this place they considered dancing very important.

"Excuse me," Heather said. "I come from another part of the city, and I was wondering whether you knew of any way to defeat the dragon?"

"If I did, I'd already have mentioned it to someone," he said. "Although I suppose it's reasonable to consider the possibility that I would have tried that, and found no one willing to listen. But no, I don't."

"Oh," Heather said, feeling a bit deflated, even though she hadn't asked anyone else yet. Maybe she should have asked the students, before they all left.

"Is there a particular reason you thought I would know?"

Heather told him about the nutria, and the book of notes, and how she had no idea what truth it was she supposedly knew.

"Well," the teacher said, "I have a friend who is an inventor. If you'd like to come back to my house, I'll introduce you to him, and we can see if he has any ideas."

The teacher introduced himself as Fillard, as they walked.

That's a very unusual name for a person in a pastoral fantasy.

It's a very unusual name, period. He explained that his neighbor was also a musician and an actor; the neighbor's name was Peter, and Peter turned out to be extremely kind and invited Heather and Bear (and Fillard) to stay for supper, even though he'd never met Heather (or Bear) before.

As the shadows grew long and their after-dinner tea grew tepid, they all listed everything they'd ever heard about dragons. Peter had heard that they could sing; he wasn't inclined to go walking over to the dragon's lair to confirm this, but the stories said that dragons had beautiful voices, on those occasions that they chose to share them. Fillard, on the other hand, had heard that dragons enjoyed games almost as much as they liked hoarding treasure; there were stories of dragons offering to let travelers go free if the travelers could beat them at a game of chess. "Of course, the dragon always wins in those stories unless the human cheats," Fillard added. "I have a large collection of games, and could offer you several that the dragon wouldn't have seen before. That would make the challenge a bit more fair."

They made fresh tea as it grew darker, and since Heather had been taking notes in her book ("gd. singers / games — chess?") she had it out. She set it down at one point to look at a game that Fillard had run home to get and bring back, and when she picked it up, she had it upside down, so it was the side about her sister, rather than the dragon. "Laura loved dragons," she said softly. "I should put a picture of a dragon somewhere on Laura's side."

"Who is Laura?" the men asked.

She explained about her sister, and how she'd disappeared when she went to confront the dragon. Laura had always believed that dragons were cool —

Because dragons are cool.

— which made the circumstances of her death tragically ironic.

You already mentioned the irony.

And she explained about the book, and everyone nodded, and then Peter went to find an article about dragons that he'd saved from somewhere. There was nothing in the article that was new, but it had a lovely picture, a sort of extremely artistic diagram. He gave it to her to paste in later.

It was late, and Heather was tired, so Peter made up a guest bed for her. Heather woke early – before Peter or Fillard – and stepped outside.

Are you sure she got up first?

Fillard and Peter had stayed up very late talking, and weren't awake yet. The sky was light and the birds were singing, and when Heather opened her book she realized that she'd nearly filled it; only a pair of blank pages faced each other at the exact center of the book. All the rest of the book had been filled, with notes about dragons on one side and notes and mementos relating to her sister on the other. She held the picture hesitantly — it seemed to her like maybe it should go on the dragon side. But she'd never put a dragon in the Laura half of the scrapbook, and that seemed like a terrible loss. Since she'd flipped the book, she had to choose — it would be right-side up for one, upside-down for the other. After staring at it for several minutes, as the sky grew lighter and the sun grew warmer, she finally turned the book sideways, and pasted the picture in that way, so that maybe it could go with either.

And that was when she realized what the nutria meant.

She did?

Yes.

Well, what did it mean?

I can't just tell you that straight out; it would spoil the flow of the story. We'll get to it in a bit.

You're as bad as that damn water rat.

Heather picked up her bags and called for Bear and set out —

Isn't she going to leave a note?

She only just met Fillard and Peter. Do you really think they'll worry?

Of course they're going to worry.

She got up, left a note, took the game that Fillard had offered her and the sheet music for songs that Peter had said he'd particularly like to hear a dragon sing, and then she and Bear headed for the path that would swiftly take them to the dragon's lair, at the edge of the extinct volcano.

You promised me the dog wouldn't die, remember.

Don't worry about the dog.

Does that mean I should be worrying about Heather? I didn't make you promise she wouldn't die because she's the hero of the story so I figured she was safe.

The dragon emerged from its lair as Heather and Bear approached. It unfurled its vast wings and shook them back the way you might stretch your wrists and crack your back, and licked its lips, showing its big teeth.

"Hello," Heather said to the dragon. "I know you're not going to eat me. I know you're not really a threat to the city. So I know the real danger must be coming from someone else."

That, you see, was the truth she'd already known —

Dragons are cool!

Yes, that dragons are cool!

But what about all that business about dragons being individuals with free will —

Here is what she realized as she talked through all the information in her book. The dragon had been demanding treasure, not food. And while everyone knew that dragons loved treasure, surely they ate sometimes. And yet only a few sheep had gone missing from the edges of town, plus a few unlucky people like Laura, and that just didn't seem like enough to feed a dragon. So she'd looked carefully at the diagrams of its jaw, and realized that its teeth were not shaped like a bear's teeth, nor like a lion's. After thinking about it carefully, she concluded that the dragon's natural diet was fish. Not people.

That doesn't mean it wouldn't eat a human who made it mad.

She'd also realized that a dragon did not actually have enough fire in its belly to burn the city to the ground. It could certainly belch out enough flame to kill anyone who came knocking with a sword, but that was a long way from burning down a whole city.

Maybe it was an empty threat.

But there was another thing everyone agreed on: dragons were smart. Smart enough not to make empty threats – not when a city might call the dragon's bluff by getting a big enough army together to take the dragon on.

The dragon could move, though, if that happened. This dragon had moved before, right? Because you said it moved in.

But dragons have a hoard. They save everything. And moving is annoying enough if you don't have a dragon's hoard to take with you to the Willamette Valley or wherever it is you're going. The last thing any smart, sensible dragon was going to do was set itself up to have to move all the time. So Heather was pretty sure the threats were coming from someone else, someone who didn't care that much what happened to the dragon. And the dragon probably knew who, and why, and so Heather thought that perhaps she would go and ask.

The dragon tucked her wings back —

It was a female dragon? How did Heather know it was a female dragon?

She'd been studying dragon anatomy diagrams for months. Do I really need to spell it out for you?

Yes, actually, I wouldn't mind knowing how you tell a boy dragon from a girl dragon.

The easiest way is coloration: the backs of a female dragon's wings are less brightly colored than the front of the body, to provide camouflage when they're nesting. Also, female dragons have wings that are scalloped on the bottom edge and male dragons have a penis.

This dragon, which was female, folded her hands in front of her and lowered herself to the ground. "You're not here to try to kill me?" she said, sounding a bit surprised.

"No," Heather said. "I did bring you a game, though, because I heard dragons like games, and some sheet music — do you read music? — because I heard you like singing. But mostly I came to ask you who it is that's using you to threaten my city, and whether I can help you."

"It's a sorcerer," the dragon said. "I'm a very young dragon." (She was indeed quite a bit smaller than Heather had expected.) "If I were older, he never would have been able to do this to me, but he's used his magic to trap me here so that I can't leave. He can't actually make me go set your city on fire, but when people come to kill me, I defend myself..."

"Including my sister?" Heather asked, a huge lump in her throat.

The dragon shrugged. "I don't remember anyone who looked like you," she said. "There are bandits, and other dangers nearby — not just me."

"How can I break the sorcerer's spell?" Heather asked.

"I don't know," the dragon said. "I can tell you where to find him, but he's really powerful — I'd feel terrible sending you off into danger."

Heather thought that over. "Do I need to defeat the sorcerer? Or just figure out how to break the spell?"

"Let me put it this way," the dragon said. "While I do not normally eat people, because they really don't taste very good, I would make a special exception for the sorcerer who has turned me into his own personal chained-up pet dragon and used me to intimidate people into letting him steal their money. In other words, if you can figure out how to break the spell, I'll take care of the rest of it."

"If nothing else," Heather said, "I could go down to the city and tell everyone the truth — that it's the sorcerer who's a danger, not you."

"You could do that," the dragon said. "Unfortunately, he'll just move us on to a new city. That's what he did the last two times when people figured it out."

Heather thought that over. This meant the sorcerer was powerful enough to enslave the dragon, but maybe not powerful enough to protect himself any other way. "Where does he keep all the money he steals?" she asked.

"He makes me guard it," the dragon said, and pointed down into her lair. Heather peered down at the hoard. The edge of the cavern shadowed it, but she could see a heap of glittering gold and rubies.

"Can I go in and look?" Heather asked.

"Oh, yes. I just can't let you leave with any of it."

Heather went inside the cavern and started poking through the treasure. There was gold and silver, there were gems and strands of pearls, there were bundles of paper bills and a few paintings, there was an ancient bronze cast horse, and there were books.

Heather picked her way through all of it; one of the treasures was a gem-encrusted lamp, and she lit it so that she could see a bit better. Bear barked. "Help me look, Bear," Heather said. "If the treasure's here being guarded by the dragon, I bet the magic is here, too. Somewhere."

The dragon came in and laid her chin on her hands, watching as Heather dug through the piles. After poking through the gold coins (and then rolling in the giant pile of gold because really, how often do you have the opportunity to roll in a giant pile of gold?) Heather started looking at the books. There were a few giant Bibles with gems on the front covers, and one of the lost plays of Shakespeare, and a collection of plays by Aeschylus that included all of Achilles, and a musical score for something called Per la ricuperata salute di Ophelia, which the dragon took an interest in and started studying while Heather searched.

Wait, is that the lost opera that Mozart and Salieri wrote together?

It was a cantata for voice and piano, actually, but yes, it was written by Mozart and Salieri together and then lost. You do realize that historically they weren't anything like they were in that movie...

Yes yes yes, historically they were probably friends, or at least friendly. Did the dragon not know it was there?

Oh, she knew it was there and had looked at it before, but you know how sometimes when you're trying to put away a big pile of books and you make the mistake of opening one, and you sit down and start reading it even though you've read it already and you were really intending to clean that day instead of reading for hours? That's basically what happened to the dragon.

Under a crate of gold bars, which Heather needed a lever to move as gold weighs so much, she found a very plain, unimpressive little book. From the outside, it actually looked quite a lot like the book she had made. Except this one had a picture of a dragon on the cover. The dragon looked up miserably at a man who sat riding on his shoulders.

Heather opened the book and suddenly became aware that the dragon was watching her. "I cannot let you destroy that book," the dragon said sharply, and Heather knew right away that she'd found what she was looking for.

"So, you can't let me take it," she said, and the dragon shook her head, "and you can't let me destroy it. I won't take it anywhere and I won't destroy it. I'm just going to look at it," she said. The dragon watched as she set the lamp on a ledge, then sat down under it to read.

It was a scrapbook, of sorts, full of pictures of dragons, but each showed the same thing in a different way: a dragon bound. Chained to a human figure, tied to the ground with giant nets, imprisoned behind bars. Heather thought that destroying it would probably free the dragon, but she was watching Heather's every movement now, and while it did occur to her that maybe she could "accidentally" drop the burning lamp onto it, that seemed awfully risky if it didn't work.

She took out her pen, and the dragon didn't twitch.

Carefully, she started drawing on the page.

"What are you doing?" the dragon asked.

"I'm adding things," Heather said.

"Hmm. I guess that's okay," the dragon said.

Heather drew a giant pair of scissors snipping through the net. She drew a file chiseling through the bars, and a key unlocking the chains.

"Do you feel like you could let me destroy it now?" she asked when she'd finished.

The dragon paused, then shook her head.

Heather looked more closely at the words written around the pictures. Where it said "by words and magic the dragon is taken," she put in a little ^ and wrote not so that it said "by words and magic the dragon is not taken." She changed the word "bound" to "boundless" and "grave" to "gravel" and something that ended with "die" she changed into a short essay about "dietary law."

It didn't make a lot of sense when she was done with it, but she didn't think that would matter. But the dragon still didn't feel like she could let her destroy the book.

So finally, Heather took her own scrapbook, and cut out the picture she had pasted into the center, and pasted it onto the cover of the magician's scrapbook, covering over the picture of the miserable looking dragon.

The dragon leapt to her feet. "HA!" she shouted, and bolted out of the cave.

Well, that seemed to have done it. Heather burned the magician's scrapbook, just to be on the safe side. She figured the treasure wasn't hers — it belonged either to the people it had been stolen from, or the dragon — but she couldn't resist the Aeschylus and the Shakespeare so she packed those up and left a note saying, I borrowed the plays. I promise to give them back after I've read them. — Heather.

She blew out the lamp, left the dragon's lair, and looked around. She could see the dragon high overhead and hoped she'd stick to her word and eat the evil sorcerer before she left forever. And then she called for Bear and they walked back down the path to the city.

Is that the end?

No. The next morning, everyone in the city woke to the sound of a vast, enormous contralto voice singing a cantata —

The dragon?

Yes, of course the dragon. And when she was done, she told them that she'd been freed, and had eaten the evil sorcerer, and would now be on her way to explore new lands.

Did she tell them who'd freed her?

No, because she could tell Heather would prefer not to have to put up with being famous.

But what about the reward? She was supposed to get a reward!

The next day, she got a package through the mail; it was a box containing those heavy gold bars, which was enough wealth to keep her well-supplied for the rest of her life. The dragon kept Fillard's game and Peter's sheet music, though.

She was also supposed to be a hot commodity. Romantically, I mean.

Would you want to marry someone who was only interested in you because you were a hero of the realm? She went back to visit Fillard and Peter to tell them how things worked out with the dragon, and they were delighted to see her. And over time she and Fillard became best friends, and they got married and lived happily ever after.

Did they ever see the dragon again?

No.

I want them to see the dragon again.

Well, the dragon sent them postcards occasionally, from distant cities like Shanghai and Barcelona and Miami.

That's not the same as seeing her.

I suppose.

Surely the dragon would have come back to visit. Once. Heather freed her from the sorcerer!

You're right. She did. One night about ten years after Heather and Fillard had married, they were sitting on the beach with their child watching the sun set over the water. And in the clouds, Heather saw the dragon; for a moment, she thought it was just the sun in her eyes, but then she saw the huge wings and knew it was the dragon. And she shouted and pointed so that Fillard and their child could see her as well.

They all saw the dragon, just for a few minutes, in the last light of the day. And as the shadows gathered and the stars came out, they heard her singing.

THE END

2013 Treasure Hunt

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 19:10:51 GMT

There's an annual treasure hunt held as part of the St. Paul Winter Carnival: the local paper hides a medallion on public land in Ramsey County, and publishes clues. They used to read the clues aloud at some late-night hour from the steps of the Pioneer Press building; now they sell papers at midnight at a nearby bar, I think. Here's my analysis last year, before we went out hunting: http://naomikritzer.livejournal.com/261857.html (Note: I not only had the wrong park, I wasn't even in the right city.)

I've taken one or both girls to hunt for the medallion nearly every year since Molly was five or six. (It was the "On the Level" year -- some guy guessed that "on the level" was a reference to Cleveland Ave, went to Hidden Falls park, and spotted footprints leading to the medallion. On the SECOND DAY OF THE HUNT. They hid another medallion and offered a runner-up prize, that year.) I love the hunt, because first of all, it is a real life treasure hunt with cryptic mysterious clues, and how cool is that? But there have also been times when I've been out with the girls and I've looked at the clues again and the looked around the park and something has just hit me and I've been absolutely sure we're in the right park and it's such a rush. (Even though it turns out that, for instance, "pitch your tent" was not, in fact, a reference to the Circus Juventas big top and we were in the wrong park that year, too.)

Hunting with kids, you also get to bask in the radiant approval of the people who see you out looking. Look at that, they are obviously thinking, she is taking her children out to look for the medallion, just like my parents did with me. It's so good to see these traditions being carried on. Obviously a shining example of parenting and they will give you this beaming, slightly misty-eyed look.

The hunt officially started last weekend, just as temperatures plummeted. We've been busy, but even if we hadn't been, it has been too cold for me. It's warming up this weekend, though, so! Time to do some clue analysis.

Clue One

So last year's hunt proved pretty tough,
Filled with red herrings, bluster and bluff.
Expect more reprise in this year's hunt.
Use high tech gear, but no cheating stunt.

The outer limit is the Ramsey line;
On public land you'll do just fine.
Don't hunt in a place where you play a round.
Don't dig deep holes or tear up the ground.

The first clue is usually mostly ground rules, with any real hints hidden pretty deep. "Use high tech gear" might mean something more than "dress really warmly." It's in Ramsey county, on public land, it's not on a golf course, and you don't need to tear up the ground to get to it.

Clue Two

Giving the clues away for a song
Turned out to be so very wrong.
So, with apology quite humble,
We'll stick to mixing clues in a jumble.

Hunt alone or council for luck,
But only one can find the puck.
Finder decides with whom to share
Like that famous "Happy Holidays" pair.

Last year they put some clues in these videos, and there were technical difficulties or complaints or something -- I can't remember. (Or, wait, looking at the message boards there was also a clue that got discovered by some hunters early because someone correctly guessed the link.)

There's a later reference to a song, so this clue may be telling you to pay close attention to it. "Council for luck," hmm. I wonder if the park has a council ring? (Those were incredibly popular in Madison parks when I was a kid, and there are at least a few in St. Paul. For instance, there's one at Lilydale somewhere -- I remember searching it the year the puck was at Lilydale.) (Puck = local slang for the Medallion, because it's about the size and shape of a hockey puck.)

Clue Three

Walk your dog or jog a bit.
Grab your honey, park and sit.
Ride a bike; exercise the kids;
Winter allows what summer forbids.

I think this clue might point to Como. There's a very nice trail that goes around the lake (used for biking, walking, and jogging), and the Pavilion is a popular place for cheap dates. Como also has facilities that "allow what summer forbids," in the sense that it has a small ski area.

Clue Four

Ups and downs are the treasure hunt story.
Fun for all; for one some glory.
If you're not clever and can't see the rhyme,
Yellow mashed rice is well worth your time.

Someone speculated that "mashed rice" is a rhyme for "crashed ice," an event that's currently happening on Cathedral Hill, and certainly "ups and downs" could refer to Crashed Ice. There aren't any parks particularly close to where they're doing it, though, and usually they try to nudge treasure hunters out to less-trafficked areas. There's a Rice Park in downtown, but see above about nudging the treasure hunters elsewhere -- Rice Park is where they put the ice sculptures for the Winter Carnival. They aren't going to hide the medallion downtown because enough people are there already.

"Ups and downs" strikes me as something that could refer to any of the following: any of the local swimming pools (which have diving boards and slides); Como, which has a ski hill and a rope tow; Swede Hollow, which is built into a deep crevasse (you have to go down to get into the park, up to get out). It could also be a reference to the bluffs on the river (suggesting Cherokee Heights park) or the experience of going over the High Bridge (Cherokee Heights again).

Clue Five

Nature does what nature wills
And gobbles up man's silly frills.
"Don't fence me in" might be the song,
But spotting a fence won't lead you wrong.

I'd say that's a pretty clear suggestion that the medallion is near a fence. That doesn't narrow down the park at all (they ALL have fences) and could also just mean that you can SEE a fence from where the medallion is (I guarantee that if you go to a park this weekend in St. Paul you will see people endlessly hunting along the edges of fences, though.)

Anyway, songs have been mentioned before. The lyrics to "Don't Fence Me In":

Oh, give me land, lots of land, under starry skies above / Don't fence me in
Let me ride thru the wide-open country that I love / Don't fence me in
Let me be by myself in the evening breeze / Listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees
Send me off forever, but I ask you please / Don't fence me in

Just turn me loose / Let me straddle my old saddle underneath the western skies
On my cayuse / Let me wander over yonder till I see the mountains rise
I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences / Gaze at the moon until I loose my senses
I can't look at hobbles and I can't stand fences / Don't fence me in

Now, okay. "Ride to the ridge where the west commences" suggests very strongly to me that we should be looking at a park on Westside. Westside is actually south of the rest of St. Paul, but it's on the west side of the Mississippi River and much of it is bluffs -- you want "the ridge where the west commences," head over High Bridge and look in one of the following places:

Cherokee Heights
Lilydale
Harriet Island
Kaposia Landing Off-Leash dog park (which is right next to the St. Paul airport, not to be confused with MSP) -- although hold on, looking at the map again, I think that's outside of Ramsey County.
Crosby Lake Regional Park is also right on the river, but is on the east side.
Pike Island

Clue Six
"Think outside the box" was last year's clue;
This year another shift is due.
Get schooled in time - think bark on a tree -
Wheel of fortune implies you foresee.

Okay, "implies you foresee" -- that's surely a reference to Tarot, not the game show. Traditionally that card (which is the tenth trump) shows the wheel of the goddess Fortuna; shows a six or eight-spoked wheel; sometimes attended by an individual who can be human or Sphinx-like.

Anyway. Other considerations: last year, it was up where they're talking about building a Vikings stadium, IIRC. They also stuck it in Lilydale right before they spent a bunch of money rehabbing the park (they figured they'd let the treasure hunters come in and make a mess, since they were going to fix up the park anyway). There's been a lot of speculation that it's at Hidden Falls Park/Crosby Farm Regional Park, mostly because it's right by the Ford Plant, which closed down for good this year and is going to be torn down and redeveloped. I think this is not an unreasonable supposition, and FWIW, you can find some justifications for that. Hidden Falls has ice climbing (or did in the past): that could be "use high tech gear." I'm pretty sure that one of the "Happy Holidays Pair" is the guy who found that medallion on the second day by following footprints from Cleveland; it was in Hidden Falls that year, and (of course) there has been speculation since the year he found it that he cheated ("no cheating stunt") and incidentally there's the word "reprise" in that very first clue.

"Clever" could be an extremely veiled reference to "level"/Cleveland.

Looking again at the map, if Pike Island is indeed in Ramsey County, it would be a hell of a "think outside the box" sort of location because since it's part of Fort Snelling State Park, people don't think of it as a park that's in St. Paul. But it is, in fact, public land in Ramsey County. Also, "get schooled in time" suggests "think about history," but oh my god, if they stuck it on Pike Island because last year was the 150th anniversary of the Dakota War, putting airy references to this in Treasure Hunt clues would be stunningly tasteless. (Not out of the question. Just horrifying.)

Anyway. We're not going until tomorrow or Sunday, so I think I'll keep these ideas as a starting place and see what the girls (and Ed) come up with. If I were going out to hunt right now, I'd probably go look at Cherokee Heights.

GIRL LEGOS

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 16:01:28 GMT

So, a few months back, Lego rolled out their "Lego Friends" sets, which come in pink and purple boxes and feature minifigs that look a little more like actual people (they have some curves, more detailed faces, and better hair.)

MOCKERY ENSUED. One of these sets got some "worst toy of the year" award last week. About half of my Facebook friends list linked to the news release and proclaimed they were about to be sick. But here is what I would like to know.

Why is this set inherently mockable (nauseating, even!), and this set is totally okay and normal and everyone should want it?

Also, why is it totally appalling and sexist and gross that Legos are releasing sets that feature girl minifigs and the colors that signal to marketers "GIRL TOY!" even while it's totally awesome and progressive that Hasbro responded to a girl demanding a less-girly Easy Bake Oven with openmindedness and meetings? (Incidentally, when that story first broke, I was able to within five minutes find an Easy Bake Oven in gender neutral colors for sale at list price on Amazon.com, though now I can't. Also, they had a "Queasy Bake Cookerator" which they marketed aggressively to boys a few years ago; you can find them on Ebay. Also, you know, if a boy bakes tiny cupcakes with a purple and pink oven, he will not spontaneously turn into a girl OR become gay.)

There is nothing wrong with the Lego Friends sets. They're cute and appealing. Some of them are stupid; some of the sets that are marketed to boys are also stupid. One of the awesome things about Legos is that they are universally compatible: you can mix together pink and purple Legos with the red and blue Legos and build whatever you want, and then decorate it with the little Lego flowers and have your Lego Olivia beat up Ninjas and then go to Lego Hogwarts in a Lego X-Wing. Because Legos are awesome.

If you go to Target right now and look, the "girl Legos" are in the section with the Polly Pockets. Which means that people who are looking for girly toys specifically will see them, presenting appealingly with all sorts of nifty sets (there is a Tree House set and one where you can build a camper) and will pick them up for girly five-year-olds who like Pollies because these look kind of Polly-ish but they're LEGOS.

These are not a sly attempt on Lego's part to pawn off on girls a crappy subpar Lego. This is an attempt to market their product to girls who are frankly a lot more interested in a toy that says "Tree House Camper with Friends in a Park!" than "Ninjas Destroy Ninjas in the Ninja Dump Truck Space Ship!" And here is the thing. You can talk about the socialization that girls get at an early age to like Tree House Friends better than Ninja Dump Trucks, but you know, here is the thing I think is ACTUALLY IMPORTANT: Ninja Dump Truck Space Ships are not inherently superior to Tree House Campers with Friends. Also, red, blue, and black are not actually superior in any way to pink and purple. There is nothing inherently wrong with a child (of either sex) who likes stuff that is "girly" and when we tell girls who want the pink and purple that there is something wrong with that, WE ARE THE PROBLEM.

I agree that the gender-based marketing of toys is a problem and the fact that you can tell at a glance whether you're in the "boy" aisle or the "girl" aisle is a bad thing. But Lego did not create this problem. And frankly, the Lego Friends sets are pretty cool and will, I think, work as a gateway drug for little girls whose families would never have thought to venture into the "boy aisle" to shop for toys for them.

Molly is inspired by Jim Hines

Sun, 09 Dec 2012 23:32:44 GMT

After hearing about the Jim Hines/John Scalzi pose-off fundraiser for the Aicardi Foundation, Molly was inspired to do her own set of poses.

She dug around for books and when her middle grade/YA illustrations were insufficiently entertaining, grabbed MY books and tried to duplicate THOSE cover poses.

(Cut for people who don't want to load a bunch of graphics.)

Fires of the Faithful:

Molly's version:

(That's taken in her room. Yes, her walls are orange. Also her sheets. Also part of her bean bag chair. She's very fond of the color orange.) She's holding a Rubik's Cube in place of the little glowing ball from the cover, and the stand-in for the violin is a lint brush. I should've gotten out her sister's ukulele.)

Turning the Storm:

Molly's version:

(Yes, she also has an orange trash can, orange backpack, and orange boffer sword, which is standing in for the showier, more lethal looking sword on the cover. The lint brush is once again standing in for the violin.)

She didn't try to do the cover for Freedom's Gate, because the protagonist is on a horse. But she did do a (CLOTHED!) version of the cover for Freedom's Apprentice. Original:

Molly's version:

So, you'll notice that this one, far more than the first two, doesn't look right. She found it hard to balance, and it hurt her feet. It's probably not a coincidence that the most sexualized cover I've ever gotten was also the hardest for a real human being to imitate. (This book has literally no sex in it at all, which made the sexualized cover...kind of funny.) It still beats the hell out of any cover where the woman is supposed to simultaneously show you both her butt and her cleavage, though.

Finally, Freedom's Sisters:

Molly's version:

So, for the most part these are a lot less funny than the poses done by Jim Hines. There are a number of reasons for this, but here's #1 -- none of these poses are ridiculous. Especially the first two -- Eliana is standing in ways that a human being might actually stand, doing things that the character actually does. As much as I have rolled my eyes over the cover to Freedom's Apprentice over the years (people, that scene takes place in January in Central Asia in a historical fantasy where people lack things like forced-air central heating, fiberglass insulation, and double-glazed windows. Not only is she not naked in that scene, she's dressed in bulky layers because that's what you do to keep warm in a cold climate in the winter, even indoors) there's nothing inherently absurd about what she's doing with her body.

My first two books came out in 2002 and 2003; the next three in 2004, 2005, and 2006. I am not operating with a particularly large sample of cover art here but frankly analyzing these images makes me wonder if the truly absurd human bodies DO NOT BEND THAT WAY cover art is a somewhat recent phenomenon, or if Bantam's art department in the early 2000s was unusually good in that respect?

Holiday Shopping for People You Hate, 2012

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 20:51:20 GMT

Welcome to my 2012 Edition of "Presents to Buy for People You Hate." First, the disclaimers: I don't shop for anyone I dislike. I don't receive gifts from anyone I dislike. If you know me in real life, this blog post is absolutely positively not about you. It's just really fun to write, so as a public service to all the people who have to shop for people they can't stand (and I know there are many!) I'm making this a yearly tradition, at least until I run out of ideas.

Naturally, the obvious answer is to refuse to buy anything for people you dislike, but if you could just opt out without causing some sort of catastrophic melt-down you would have done so years ago. And the other obvious answer is the most generic gift-card-ish thing possible, but think how much more satisfying an option passive-aggression in a gift bag is.

The key, with passive-aggressive giving, is subtlety. You want something that makes them uncomfortable, but which they can't admit makes them uncomfortable. Or you want something that insults them, but so subtly they don't realize they've been insulted. Or you want something that makes their life more difficult even while it suggests that you've been incredibly thoughtful. (Which you totally have! You thought long and hard about the worst possible item to inflict upon them, didn't you?)

The first year I wrote this, I noted that OxFam Unwrapped let you give people crabs, worms, and shit (as well as cuter things like sheep, pigs, and children's school supplies). Sadly, they have gotten rid of the crabs and worms, though they still have shit. (That first year, the question was raised about whether they had something that would, in a sense, constitute a gift of coal? We settled on a stove. Last year, you could actually search for "coal" on the OxFam site and they would link you directly to this very nice energy-efficient stove. This year, "coal" no longer turns anything up. ALAS.)

Anyway. Onto the new suggestions.

1. Something that they know they WOULD use, if only they were a better person. Like exercise equipment. It doesn't have to be something huge like a stair climber (although if you are passive-aggressive and also really wealthy, a stair climber is a fantastically bad gift) -- a yoga mat in a nice carrying case will work just as well, and can be had for $20 or so at Target (you'll want to lose the gift receipt, of course). Every time they see it, they'll feel guilty. Getting rid of it involves admitting that they're never going to use it, so it'll keep sitting there, in the corner, working its magic (which is to say, taking up space and gathering dust). If they actually do yoga, this gift still works, because in that case, they undoubtedly already have a yoga mat they like just fine, and it's probably a better quality one than the $10 model from Target (I have a $10 Target yoga mat; it's usable, but it's not what you'd call a GOOD yoga mat) so this is completely useless to them (unless they're bringing a friend to yoga) and yet you look like you're really thinking about their interests.

2. A really, really thoughtful book. There are several approaches to take here. You could, for instance, give them a book that relates to their interests so directly that there is no way on God's green earth that they don't already own a copy. (Like, if she's really into Irishness, you could give her "How the Irish Saved Civilization" or maybe "Angela's Ashes." If he's a dog person, get him James Herriot's "Dog Stories." Bonus points if you know this person already owns "All Creatures Great and Small" and its various sequels, since I'm 99% sure the Dog Stories is just a collection of dog stories from those books, compiled into a new book.) Alternately, you could give them something that's kind of nauseatingly mundane and sentimental ("Chicken Soup for the XXXXXXXX Lover's Soul"), or something that relates to their passion but gets it ENTIRELY WRONG. To hit the target perfectly, you might have to find someone else who's into this topic and find out what books you would definitely wish to avoid to learn more about it.

3. A cutesy, overly specialized kitchen gadget. I just discovered that Amazon.com has an entire section devoted to this sort of thing. What you want is something that they will forever feel like maybe they'll use next week, so that it will sit endlessly on their counter, taking up space, gathering dust, and making them feel guilty like an unused yoga mat. Look for something bulky. Although in two minutes of browsing, I found an electric fortune cookie maker which has got to win the prize for the silliest gadget EVER. It might actually cross the line from "passive-aggressively evil" to "so pointless it somehow becomes AWESOME," though.

I'll note that if these people have a small child, and you get them a kitchen gadget that makes something that the kid likes, the kid will never, ever let them discard it. And will nag them endlessly to use it. So definitely in that case go for something the kid will adore, because you like the kid, right? even if you hate the kid's parents.

4. An awful keepsake ornament. Speaking of things that kids will love and their parents will hate, Hallmark makes a "big mouth billy bass" keepsake ornament.

5. A gift card to a restaurant they'd never want to eat at. There are all sorts of reasons that someone might not want to eat at a particular restaurant -- you don't want to give and Outback Steak House gift card to a vegetarian, as that's not at all subtle. But if they live in a city and greatly enjoy all the unique and interesting offerings of the creative local chefs and interesting ethnic places, you can surely think of a restaurant chain that would horrify them. If they live in the suburbs and would LOVE a gift card to Outback or Red Lobster, give them a gift card to a great place in the city that has NO PARKING LOT. If you check the restaurant's website, parking info is usually under "location/directions" and if it says just "metered on-street parking nearby" that's perfect. (It's even more perfect if the restaurant's in Minneapolis, because Minneapolis just replaced all its old coin-op meters with fancy new ones that take credit cards, and what this means it that you pull into a numbered space and then have to enter the space at a kiosk.)

As a bonus, some restaurants have deals where you can buy a certain amount of gift card and get an extra gift card as a bonus, so you could potentially choose a restaurant you WOULD like to eat at and pocket the extra gift card.

Merry Christmas!

(Prior editions of this gift guide: Gifts that say, "I had to get you a gift. So look, a gift!" and Beyond Fruitcake: Gifts for People You Hate.)

Captain Vorpatril's Alliance by Lois McMaster Bujold

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 03:14:47 GMT

I got this book in e-ARC form back in June (you don't have to be a reviewer to get an e-ARC from Baen -- just willing to spend as much for an early electronic edition as you would later for a hardcover). I wanted to read it on vacation, and it was a wonderful book to read while relaxing on a front porch in the north woods of Minnesota.

Of course, since this was five months before the real release, I couldn't TALK about the book because presumably none of my friends were as impatient as I was. BUT IT IS NOW OUT.

BLATANT SPOILERS AHEAD.

STOP READING NOW IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SPOILERS.

About a year and a half ago I started working my way through the Georgette Heyer Regency romances, because so many of my friends seemed to like them a great deal. Also, papersky said she started reading Heyer because of conversations that went like this:

Someone: "Shards of Honor is just like a romance novel!"
Jo: "Where are the romance novels that are like Shards of Honor?"
Lis Carey or some other rational person: "Georgette Heyer."

Jo goes on to give her own ranking of Heyer here, and I have relied heavily on this list. Every Heyer novel I've read has been on Kindle -- they put all the re-released Heyer on sale for Heyer's birthday last year, and I picked up a bunch for $3 a book.

Anyway. One of the very first Heyer novels I read was Cotillion, and in my secret book review journal I described it as follows: "Waiting impatiently for the Ivan book? Pick this book up." The hero of Cotillion is a young man named Freddy, who struck me as profoundly Ivan-like: he's lazy and unambitious but very good-natured and kind, and he also talks a little like Ivan. The plot of Cotillion runs approximately thus: the heroine is stuck somewhere (it's been over a year and now I can't remember the exact setup, but I think she's stuck as a caregiver for a stingy and surly elderly uncle). In order to get out of her unpleasant rural location and to London, where she hopes to actually meet and fall in love with someone, she proposes an engagement to Freddy, promising that she will cry off after a month. He somewhat reluctantly agrees, and merriment ensues.

Sooooooooo the Ivan book.

There's a lady in distress (and Byerly is back -- he's the one who persuades Ivan to attempt to rescue her). Trapped with her in his apartment as the Komarran police force tries to break in, desperately to keep her out of their hands, Ivan proposes marriage, whips out a box of breakfast groats, and weds her with Byerly as a witness. (Thus setting up one of the greatest lines of the Miles & Friends series -- "UNHAND LADY VORPATRIL!") He promises to divorce her once he gets her safely to Barrayar. This goes about as smoothly as you'd expect.

Of course, this is only the beginning of the intricate, complicated, and thoroughly delightful plot of Captain Vorpatril's Alliance. The other thing I really adored about it is that both Ivan and Tej are treated by their families with affection but also more than a bit of scorn: they're the second-rate family members, the underachievers. And they accomplish great things -- without ever adopting the style of their hyperactive overachieving siblings / cousin. They are thoroughly suited to each other and to their own very happy ending.

Election 2012: Yet Another Addendum to the Soil & Water (Hennepin County) post!

Fri, 02 Nov 2012 19:22:45 GMT

Our Star Trib voter's guide arrived the other day (yeah, I actually subscribe to a print edition of a newspaper) and to my immense shock, they actually had coverage of the Soil & Water race!

For your convenience, I will provide links AND a C&P of each candidate statement (they're short).

Soil and water supervisor Seat 1

Jeremy Haefs *
This office came out of Minnesota’s populist tradition as farmers demanded the state create it to improve agricultural output. As Minnesotans grew concerned with the threat of pollution, supervisors were also charged with protecting the quality of the state’s waters. I oppose the efforts of politicians to eliminate the Soil and Water Board through arguing for the need for consolidation of localized governments. The public’s demand for clean waters would be ill served by eliminating this simple and accessible elected body that has been charged solely with seeing to water quality. A kingdom for a horse, don’t forget this election.

Eleonore Wesserle
As Hennepin County citizens, our shared soil and water are fundamental to our lives. The food produced from our land base keeps us fed, the water we drink from our taps runs in our veins, and our fair use of these shared resources creates our vibrant, varied communities. But, if you’re like me, you probably have no idea how decision-making around these issues works. If you flip to the back of the ballot and elect me, I will work to strengthen outreach about the process, foster understanding of our respective roles, and engage more directly with you on these issues.

OK, when you say that you serve on a "simple and accessible body" BUT YOU HAVE NO CONTACT INFORMATION ON THE FREAKING INTERNET, you do not get my vote because you are a laughable hypocrite and clearly incompetent. Seriously.

Also, Eleanore Wesserle did e-mail me back, apologetically; she was out of the office recovering from surgery and that's why she didn't respond more promptly. She has a degree in Conservation Biology, a bunch of relevant work experience, and she plans to try to do outreach to the community to make the board more accessible. I feel a lot more confident in my endorsement of Wesserle now!

Soil and water supervisor Seat 3

Marjorie Holsten
I will seek a balance between good stewardship of our resources and excessive infringement on property rights.

Brian Peterson
One in five Minnesotans lives in Hennepin County. We share this densely populated space with more than 330 lakes and wetlands, and 11 major watersheds. In no other county is the preservation of our water quality, wildlife habitat and soil so crucial. With one seat left open in the previous election, it is clear that our county is in need of increased representation on this board. As a representative, I will advocate that the implementation of policies and projects will maximally benefit not only the longevity of our waters and public lands, but also our tax base and property values.

Yeah, still going with Peterson.

Soil and water supervisor Seat 4

Andrew K. Moller
We are fortunate to live in Hennepin County, where we have abundant open spaces, lakes, creeks, parks and miles of recreational trails. Preserving our soil and and water resources for current and future generations while keeping taxes as low as possible during these challenging economic times is my highest priority. Specifically, I will also focus on taking action to stop the spread of aquatic invasive species in our Hennepin County lakes. My private-sector background gives me the ability to accomplish the goal of conserving our soil and water natural resources in a financially prudent manner.

Richard B. Strong *
As a county supervisor and vice chair of Hennepin Soil and Water District last year, I gained valuable experience to effectively set policies for clean water in our county. Our county wetlands are the kidneys of clean, public water and as county supervisor, it is my duty to ensure that these waters are not unduly harmed. As our county grows, there is more pressure put on our wetlands. However, we need both growth and wetlands. I will continue to provide the best and most cost-effective services to the citizens of Hennepin County.

Still going with Strong, mostly because I was able to e-mail him and got a response.

Don't forget to vote on Tuesday!

Election 2012: addendum to the Hennepin County Soil & Water post

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 02:43:07 GMT

I got an e-mail today from a Republican who had spotted my Soil & Water post and wanted to correct my statement that (a) they had endorsed Haefs, and (b) they had more information on Haefs than I did.

The SD-48 Sample Ballot (which is what I'd found, when searching for info) is divided into two sections (and I totally failed to notice this) -- there are endorsements (Mitt Romney and on down) but also a section of "recommendations," which were the result of researching information on the candidates and picking the one that seemed like the best fit for their constituency.

You know how I said, "I know nothing about Brian Peterson, but Marjorie Holsten is a Tea Partier. So I'll take my chances on Brian"? Apparently they had exercised pretty much the exact same thought process in reverse regarding Wesserle vs Haefs. They knew nothing about Haefs, but Wesserle was clearly not their cup of (organic fair trade) tea, so they recommended Haefs.

And fair enough! I will withdraw my ENDORSED BY REPUBLICANS strike against Haefs. Which leaves me with two candidates, one of whom is the incumbent but has no contact information anywhere, and one of whom is running for office and does have contact information but doesn't respond to her e-mail messages.

I'm probably going to vote for Wesserle, although I will note again that this race really doesn't seem to matter as hardly anyone seems to serve on this board for more than about six months, anyway. My suspicion at this point is that they really don't do much and ought to be abolished.

Update: this race was covered in the Star Tribune voter's guide and also Wesserle e-mailed me back.

By the way, we bought a house

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 15:58:54 GMT

I was browsing back through old posts looking for something, and ran across a post from May, Trends in Houses that Make Me Frown. In it, I complained about (1) enormous but badly-designed kitchens, (2) vinyl interior doors, and (3) vastly oversized master bathrooms (we wanted a master bathroom, but we didn't want to waste a lot of square footage on it -- big enough for a toilet, sink, and shower was fine.)

I also noted that we preferred the look and feel of older homes; divided light windows; hardwood floors instead of carpet; the sort of quirks and weird spaces that you get in old houses that not new...but we also wanted a master bathroom, we would like a mudroom or at least a nice entryway with good closets, and I prefer forced-air heat to radiators (in part because I really love having central air for those weeks in the summer when you really want it).

We wound up buying a house built in 1950. The windows aren't divided light, although I think we could buy fake dividers from Andersen (we haven't yet). (Oh, and people always say, "oooooh, Andersen, those are great!!!" The windows were installed in the late 1990s and two of them are now seriously non-functional; I need to call a repair guy to have him come service them. And FTR they are not under warranty -- the warranty is way more limited than they claim in their marketing, at least for this model of window. They are nice windows but they are not, in fact, all that and a bag of chips.

What was funny, looking at my particular pet peeves, was that we avoided all of them very nicely.

1. The kitchen is big but extremely well-designed. It's probably got the best layout of any house we looked at and was a big part of what sold us on the house.

2. The interior doors are all the boring flat wood but they are WOOD, not vinyl.

3. The master bathroom is small and sort of shoehorned in. The master bedroom also has a small greenhouse (!) -- tiled floor with a drain, wire shelves, a skylight, a faucet for a hose hookup. The seller noted at closing that she was pretty sure the greenhouse had made the house harder to sell -- people looked at it and were disgruntled not to be getting an enormous bathroom instead of a small bathroom plus a greenhouse. We're not entirely sure what we'll do with a greenhouse (so far, we've been putting plants in it, but the sad truth is that we are not very good at growing stuff) but we did not look at it and think, "dangit, why isn't this extra bathroom space?"

The house was also mostly hardwood -- there was one room with carpet, and we had the carpet taken out and hardwood installed. (The kitchen is hardwood. That is one place we wouldn't install it, but we'll live with it and see how it goes.) We didn't get a mudroom but there is a WEALTH of downstairs closets, and a nice tiled area by the front door for you to drip on when you come in that way.

Anyway. We're in the process of painting. Two rooms had wallpaper (and now they don't!) and there are various other fixes and upgrades that are easier before you move your furniture in. Molly's room had a ceiling fan, which we downgraded to a light fixture because she wants a loft bed. Kiera's room had a light fixture which was pretty but unfortunately had no globe to shield the bulb, and on measuring and trying various things I'm not sure we're going to be able to find a replacement globe that will work (besides, a light fixture with two bulbs will light her room better). A bunch of the outlets were two-prong grounded, which we had swapped for three-prong grounded. Etc.

We move in November. And I should really return to packing files.

ELECTION 2012: My Endorsements for Minneapolis and St. Paul

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 02:59:23 GMT

I did all the research: now you can just follow my bidding and vote like I will (or would).

National and Statewide Races
President: Barack Obama
U.S. Senator: Amy Klobuchar
(Anti-)Marriage Amendment: No
Photo ID Amendment: No

U.S. House for Minneapolis and St. Paul
U.S. Representative, District 5: Keith Ellison
U.S. Representative, District 4: Betty McCollum

State Legislative Races
MN State Senate, District 63: Patricia Torres-Ray
MN State House, District 63A: Jim Davnie
MN State Senate, District 64: Dick Cohen
MN State House, District 64B: Michael Paymar

Soil and Water Conservation District, Ramsey County
Soil and Water Supervisor District 2: Gwen Willems
Soil and Water Supervisor District 5: Matt Ledvina

Chief Justice of the Minnesota Supreme Court
Lorie Skjerven Gildea

All the Other Judicial Races
ASSOCIATE JUSTICE 1: Barry Anderson
ASSOCIATE JUSTICE 4: David R. Stras

Minneapolis only:
4TH DISTRICT COURT -- JUDGE 22: Elizabeth V. Cutter
4TH DISTRICT COURT -- JUDGE 44: Lois Conroy

Soil and Water Conservation District Supervisors, Hennepin County
SOIL AND WATER CONSERVATION DISTRICT SUPERVISOR DISTRICT 1: Eleonore Wesserle
SOIL AND WATER CONSERVATION DISTRICT SUPERVISOR DISTRICT 3: Brian T. Peterson
SOIL AND WATER CONSERVATION DISTRICT SUPERVISOR DISTRICT 4: Richard B. Strong
...but it totally doesn't matter who you vote for, this board has more turnover than a pancake house.

Minneapolis School Board, St. Paul School Levy
Minneapolis School Board: Carla Bates
St. Paul School Levy: Yes

You can click the links for my full rationale, or just take me at my word and print off this post for quick reference when you go to the polls! (Although if you live anywhere other than 63A or 64B, you will still have some races to check on). DON'T FORGET TO VOTE ON NOVEMBER 6TH.

Election 2012: Minneapolis School Board, St. Paul Levy

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 02:45:29 GMT

Unless I've forgotten a race, or suddenly get a flurry of useful new information, this should be the last post and then I'm going to do a Grand Post of Links to put up on Facebook.

Minneapolis is having a school board race. The two candidates are Carla Bates (incumbent) and Doug Mann. I'm going to vote for Carla Bates. I explained my rationale here on my post about the primary so I'll just C&P:

Carla Bates is the incumbent. Despite being deeply unimpressed by the Minneapolis School Board overall, I have a strong pro-incumbent bias because almost no one wants to do this job more than once. They get paid $13,800/year; they generally work far more than 40 hours a week; and everyone hates them. Getting blamed for everything that goes wrong with the Minneapolis public school is pretty much the job, right there.

Anyway, the typical candidate comes on to the board bright-eyed and optimistic, is crushed into misery and despair within months (maybe weeks), and decides not to run again because really, being hated by 387,753 people for $13,800/year is a shitty gig. And the net result is a complete lack of institutional memory that makes a not-terribly-effective school board even less effective. So if someone wants to do it more than once? Unless I really, really hate them I'm probably going to vote for them.

I'm pretty sure Carla Bates has pissed me off, but I can't remember what she did so it can't have been all that bad. Therefore, she gets my vote.

In St. Paul, there's a school levy referendum. The "Vote Yes for St. Paul Kids!" signs are apparently worrying to the Vote No campaign, and I've seen quite a few yards with both a purple Vote Yes sign and an orange Vote No sign.

I am in favor of the levy. It is mostly a renewal of an existing levy; the proposed increase is very small. Funding schools well is IMO a win for everyone. So vote NO on both amendments, but (if you live in St. Paul) YES on the school funding levy.

Election 2012: Soil & Water, Minneapolis

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 02:33:35 GMT

ALMOST DONE.

Let me note that information on the Soil & Water people was even harder to come by this year than it usually is. In prior years there was a questionnaire that at least a handful of candidates would respond to; I searched this year and found absolutely nothing. Moreover, I attempted to contact several candidates and got no response at all. In fact, there's one that's an incumbent. You would think he'd have an e-mail address associated with his office, but you'd be wrong.

If you google "Hennepin County bicycle advisory committee," you find this page, which lists names and has an e-mail address and phone number to contact. You'll also find their meeting minutes. This isn't an elected board; the county has a bunch of citizen advisory boards and you can volunteer to serve on them. One of them is the Bicycle Advisory Committee. There's also

If you google "Hennepin County soil and water supervisors" you find a bunch of sites that promise election info (but don't actually have anything beyond a list of filings) and the Fraters Libertas endorsements from two years ago. If you go to page two? You find MY endorsements from two years ago.

So here is a note to whomever wins: look, step up. If you hold elected office, people should be able to contact you. When I googled for Haefs, who's an incumbent, I at least found the web page that should have popped up for my prior search but there's no way to contact any of you. You are elected officials, for crying out loud. I do not expect you to carry a cell phone around the clock like that legislative candidate in St. Paul promised to do; all I want is an e-mail address. That's really not asking for much. (Also, there's no excuse for the fact that searching for "soil and water supervisor" doesn't bring me to your page.)

ON TO THE CANDIDATES.

There are three contested races.

SOIL AND WATER CONSERVATION DISTRICT SUPERVISOR DISTRICT 3
Brian T. Peterson
Marjorie Holsten

I know nothing about Brian Peterson, but Marjorie Holsten is a Tea Partier. So I'll take my chances on Brian.

SOIL AND WATER CONSERVATION DISTRICT SUPERVISOR DISTRICT 1
Jeremy Haefs
Eleonore Wesserle

I am endorsing Eleonore Wesserle. ~~Haefs is endorsed by Republicans (who apparently were able to find more information about him than I was)~~ (SEE UPDATE BELOW about the Republican thing.) Eleonore works for the Institute for Agriculture and Trade Policy, which sounds like relevant experience, and she volunteers for the Heart of the Beast Theater Mayday Parade, which automatically makes her cool.

She did not respond to the e-mail I sent her through the contact link on the website I linked to. However, I'm not 100% sure that the form actually worked.

I was not able to find any information on contacting Haefs anywhere at all, other than his street address and phone number, which was included in the filing. He's mentioned in the meeting minutes starting with his appointment in June, but the minutes are filled with untranslated acronyms and I was unable to get any sense from these minutes what sorts of positions he holds on anything.

Elected official with no way to contact by e-mail, ~~AND he's endorsed by the Republicans.~~ That's ~~two strikes~~ one definite strike against him, so I'm going to vote for Eleonore unless someone gives me information I didn't have before.

UPDATE 10/22. I got an e-mail today from a Republican who had spotted this post and wanted to correct my impression that (a) they had endorsed Haefs, and (b) they had more information on Haefs than I did.

The SD-48 Sample Ballot (which I'd found googling) is divided into two sections (and I totally failed to notice this) -- there are endorsements (Mitt Romney and on down) but also a section of "recommendations," which were the result of researching information on the candidates and picking the one that seemed like the best fit for their constituency. Haefs was a recommendation, not an endorsement.

You know how I said, "I know nothing about Brian Peterson, but Marjorie Holsten is a Tea Partier. So I'll take my chances on Brian"? Apparently they had exercised pretty much the exact same thought process in reverse regarding Wesserle vs Haefs. They knew nothing about Haefs, but Wesserle was clearly not their cup of (organic fair trade) tea, so they recommended Haefs.

And fair enough! So that leaves me with two candidates, one of whom is the incumbent but has no contact information anywhere, and one of whom is running for office and does have contact information but doesn't respond to her e-mail messages.

I'm probably still going to vote for Wesserle, but frankly, I'm really not happy voting for either.

SOIL AND WATER CONSERVATION DISTRICT SUPERVISOR DISTRICT 4
Andrew K. Moller
Richard B. Strong

Strong is a sustainability professor at the University of Minnesota and replied promptly to my e-mail, the only candidate to do so. I found an Andrew K. Moller on Twitter, and registered for Twitter so that I could Tweet at him and attempt to get in touch with him that way, but he didn't reply.

So I am going to vote for Strong.

Although I will note something else, which is that apparently the legislature has several times considered legislation to just dissolve the board entirely and hand its duties over to the County Board. (Here's a PDF of the Conservation District board's statement arguing against this.) They say that a citizen board, especially an elected citizen board, provides transparency. Except guys, you're incredibly difficult to find on the web and there's no way to e-mail you. Moreover, let's revisit my endorsements in 2008 and 2010 and then look again at that list of board members.

District 1 is currently represented by Jeremy Haefs. He was appointed in June or July of this year.

District 2 is represented by Erik Cedarleaf Dahl, who is the Chair. He was appointed to the board in 2012 (and apparently his term ends in 2014; I'm not sure why he's not up for election this cycle).

District 3 is vacant. I'm not sure how long this has been true. It appears that Amber Collette was on the board and then at some point in the summer stopped being on the board, but I'm not sure if that was her seat. She actually ran for District 2, lost, but wound up appointed and on the board anyway at some point.

District 4 is represented by Richard Strong, who was appointed to the board in 2012.

District 5 is represented by Jeffrey Beck, who alone of all the board members was elected, in 2008. His term ends this year and he is not running for re-election (the guy in that district is running unopposed.)

I don't know why this is an elected board, but in any case, the elective nature of this board is entirely theoretical. I'm not convinced that they need to exist at all and this can't be handled by the Hennepin County Commissioners. Given that, I should probably go ahead and vote for the Tea Partier, because she's probably running for it to try to get rid of it (they DO cost money -- everyone gets a $50 stipend per meeting). But I loathe the Tea Party movement so thoroughly that I'm unwilling to give a Tea Party politician even the tiny shred of credibility offered by holding this particular elected office.

If she really wants to do the job, though, she can stick around, and within two months there'll be a vacant seat and she'll be able to get appointed, because that just seems to be how it works.

UPDATE 11/2/12: This race was covered in the Star Tribune voter's guide! Also, Wesserle e-mailed me back. You can get the scoop in a separate post, here.

Phone Banking for Minnesotans United

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 15:10:41 GMT

I've been meaning to blog about this, and then getting distracted. I've been doing "voter outreach" once a week since sometime in September; I got sucked in by a volunteer recruitment person at the Minnesota State Fair, and she talked me into trying it. And it's not exactly easy, but it is possible and it's surprisingly rewarding.

I've done it from two offices -- both the Minneapolis office (near Loring Park) and the St. Paul office (at Fairview and University). I highly recommend the St. Paul office because they have parking; even if the lot by the building is full, the on-street parking in the area is all free. The area around the Minneapolis office is all two-hour metered parking and the shifts are three hours. St. Paul also has much better snacks. Last week someone had brought in a pumpkin pie.

They give you a script for phone banking, and when you come the first two times you go through training where you rehearse with another volunteer. They strongly encourage you to focus on telling compelling stories -- about yourself, about real people you know who have names and problems and families. I had actually asked for permission (over on facebook) to use the names and stories of my LGBT friends, and had explicit permission from several people, which is good because it makes me feel a lot more comfortable talking about them. (Lyda and Shawn, Jo and Jen, Benji -- all of you have been featured in these conversations, along with Mason, Tristan, and Eamon.) Studies have found that this tactic is much more effective than abstract conversations about fairness, justice, and equality.

A lot of the people doing the phone banking are older straight married people with adult gay kids. They are, in fact, particularly successful at it, because the older straight married people we are trying to persuade feel comfortable talking to someone who is like them in those ways.

Honestly, although I would never discourage gay and lesbian people from doing this sort of calling, on a fundamental level I feel like this is the responsibility of straight allies (and allies with straight privilege). No one is challenging my right to be married to Ed. When I get a really awful call -- and I've had one pretty much every week -- it is still not my human rights that are being questioned. I had a call last week where the guy said that back in Vietnam, if you found a queer, "you dealt with it." I am glad that I was the one on the phone with that creep, and not the rather shy gay man who was doing phone banking on that same shift. It's upsetting to deal with people like this when you're an ally, but I know from personal experiences that it's a really different sort of upsetting when it's you who's being attacked.

It is the good calls that make it worthwhile.

Last week, my very last call was to an older man. The first question on the current script is how people are going to vote on the amendment: he said he was voting yes. The second question is whether they support same-sex marriage (because some people still have it backward, and if they're in favor of same-sex marriage and planning to vote yes, you want to clear up their confusion.) He said he didn't. The third question is whether he thought it was okay to be gay, and he said no, not really.

At that point you usually end the call, because the point of this calling is to reach people who are persuadable. I started to end the call, and the guy said, "wait, wait. So how are YOU going to vote?"

I said, "I'm going to vote no, because this amendment will hurt people I love."

And then I talked about Jo and Jen, and Lyda and Shawn, and he listened. And his voice softened, and he said that he was seventy years old, and when he was younger, there weren't any gay people. And then he backed that up and said he knew that there WERE, but they had to stay in the closet and not talk about it.

I talked about Benji: he was my first boyfriend, and he was actually a really great first boyfriend. But he would have been a TERRIBLE husband for me, because he was gay. And in fact he's married to a man; they just celebrated their second anniversary. And I've been married to my husband for sixteen years, and I said that I was so grateful things worked out the way they did. (Benji and I were never dating all that seriously, but I think the point still holds, here.)

The man laughed appreciatively and we talked some more. He didn't know any gay people -- at least, none that he knew about. (When someone has gay friends and is planning to vote yes, I always tell them that I hope before they vote they'll talk to their friends and ask them how they feel about this amendment, and whether they think it will hurt them. That's not a line I can use when someone straight up doesn't know any gay people, so far as they know.) But he listened, and he thought about it. The best part of these calls is when you have a conversation like this one, where you can hear in the other person's voice that you have opened a new window for them, one they never knew was there, and light's coming in.

He moved from "Yes" to "Undecided, and planning to give this some serious thought." And he thanked me, with real sincerity, for calling and having this conversation with him.

So, yeah. If you've thought about phone banking and you haven't done it, I would really encourage you to try it. In addition to training beforehand there's debriefing after, where you find out how many calls you made and how many people moved, so even if you had a really bad three hours you get a sense of how effective your whole group was. In addition to Minneapolis and St. Paul, there are lots of suburban locations; there are afternoon, evening, and weekend shifts; and if voter outreach just sounds too hard, there are lots of other things they need volunteers to do. (And it won't be long before they switch over to get-out-the-vote, and they will need volunteers for that, too.)

Election 2012: Judicial Races: the rest

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 02:04:18 GMT

The Associate Justice races are in both Minneapolis and St. Paul, and then that's it for contested judicial races in St. Paul.

ASSOCIATE JUSTICE 1
Barry Anderson (Incumbent)
Dean Barkley

Dean Barkley is best known in local politics for spending 61 days as a Senator (he was appointed by Governor Ventura to fill the seat after Paul Wellstone died). He's sort of a crank -- as was (and is) Ventura, for that matter. Barkley enthusiastically joined the Reform Party after it was started by Ross Perot. At some point the MN Reform party changed its name to the Independence Party, but I usually call them the Jessecrats. If someone is running as a DFLer or a Republican or a Libertarian or a Green, you can make some assumptions about their beliefs and you will be mostly correct. Jessecrats -- well, years ago I remember reading their party platform and thinking that it seemed to be a laundry list of random grousing. I mean, it practically included as bullet point #328 that the GODDAMN KIDS NEED TO STAY OFF HAROLD'S LAWN, that's how weirdly specific it got in places.

I actually participate, after a fashion, in the writing of the DFL party platform. At caucuses, people introduce resolutions which are then debated and voted on at the caucus. These all get forwarded to the Senate District Convention, where the Resolutions Committee puts them all together into this enormous list and people vote on the ones they like while they're killing time between ballots and so on. Those lists are comprehensive and often overly specific. There are invariably reams upon reams of resolutions for things that are already in the DFL platform. Other resolutions -- well, I remember one that called for extended unemployment benefits for electricians. Another called for every laboring woman to be provided with a doula by her health insurer (I'm pro-doulas but does this really need to be in the DFL platform?)

Anyway, post-convention stuff gets sent to another committee and the fact is that they do a lot of weeding. The Jessecrat platform read like no one had bothered to weed. At all. Ever.

(I just looked it up and it is MUCH better written now, FYI.)

But that's still my overall impression of Dean Barkley. Kind of a crank.

Barry Anderson was appointed by Pawlenty but I don't think he's evil. This admittedly poorly-sourced rant says that while he's a Republican, he's not the crazy hate-filled sort of Republican but the centrist, openminded kind.

I will probably vote for Barry Anderson but I am open to a case being made for Dean Barkley. Actually, you would have to make a convincing case against the incumbent, in this case, because honestly, I don't have a very high opinion of Dean.

ASSOCIATE JUSTICE 4
David R. Stras (incumbent)
Tim Tingelstad

Stras is a lesser evil here. Tingelstad is not even remotely subtle about his Dominionist foaming at the mouth. Vote for Stras.

In Minneapolis, there are two more contested races.

4TH DISTRICT COURT -- JUDGE 22
Steven E. Antolak
Elizabeth V. Cutter

Neither candidate is an incumbent (!) I voted for Liz Cutter in the primary after being totally unimpressed by the stupid boilerplate ad about his "AV Rating" on Antolak's website. I'm going to vote for Liz Cutter in the general election for the following reasons:

1. She's endorsed by a bunch of people I like. Antolak is endorsed by AFSCME so he's not endorsement-less, but I am less impressed by AFSCME endorsing you than BOTH Keith Ellison AND Arne Carlson endorsing you.

2. Did I mention the stupid, boilerplate ad on Antolak's site? I want judges to be smart.

3. Liz Cutter's done a bunch of work on domestic violence issues, including working with international groups to draft laws in other countries, which I think is cool.

That said, I think they're both reasonable choices. Antolak sounds compassionate and hardworking.

4TH DISTRICT COURT -- JUDGE 44
Mark Berris
Lois Conroy

ANOTHER judicial race with no incumbent! This wasn't in the primary because only two people filed.

Berris's website.
Conroy's website.

They both look like reasonable candidates. I like Conroy's endorsements much, much better -- partly because Berris's are mostly from the suburbs, and I don't know who these people are or what they stand for. (Except for Rich Stanek, whom I don't much like.) I'm going to vote for Conroy based on her endorsements. If anyone has specific information about these candidates, please feel free to share.

Election 2012: Judicial Race for Chief Justice

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 01:06:51 GMT

Conveniently, I don't think there are any contested judicial races on the ballot for my future St. Paul address that are not also on the ballot for my Minneapolis address. This post is going to be just about the Chief Justice race, though, because I have a surprising amount to say.

Chief Justice
Dan Griffith
Lorie Skjerven Gildea (incumbent)

I nearly always vote for incumbents in judicial races, but I realize that "well, s/he is the incumbent" is not necessarily a particularly persuasive argument to my readers. So I started doing a little digging this time and wound up really perplexed by what the hell does this Dan Griffiths guy actually believe, anyway.

His website is ... vague. Dog-whistle-y in a Christian Dominionist sort of way. There's the picture of his wife, staring up at him all smiley while he stares out resolutely at the camera. There's the phrase, "I offer a servant's perspective," which he then clarifies below is a reference to elected officials being public servants. In "About Dan," one of his sons describes him as "righteous." This is not language anyone outside of Dominionist subcultures uses to describe real people that they actually know, ever (unless it's the late 1980s/early 1990s -- it was one of those terms that enjoyed a brief vogue that might have been Bill and Ted related, I can't quite remember. It is not used SERIOUSLY by anyone outside that subculture.) He quotes Bork (OMG, remember Bork?)

If you're a Dominionist and you look at this website, you will see someone who is signalling clearly and repeatedly, I am one of you. Even as he carefully stays away from the phrases that the left has learned to watch for, like "original intent of the founders" or "activist judges."

And yet when people have publicly said, "This guy is a stealth right-winger" he has popped up in the comments (scroll down, you'll find him) to say that this isn't true and you should look at his website to see what he really believes.

But his website contains no positions of any kind. On his Facebook page, someone asks him about this and he says, "That is because judicial candidates are prohibited from making a pledge or a promise on specific issues that could come before the Court (which is just about everything). That is why I speak about the principles I adhere to. One issue I can speak to is that I believe judges must apply the law (and Constitution), not rewrite it."

...and, sure. You're not supposed to say, on your web page, when you're running for a judgeship, "I will firmly uphold a woman's right to an abortion!" (say) or "I will rule in favor of gay marriage!" or "I will rule against Obamacare any chance I get!" or "I will rule in favor of Naomi. ALWAYS. Whatever she wants, she gets."

But you can talk about your principles far more specifically than Griffith does. You are certainly allowed to say that you've not yet heard a convincing argument that women have a legal right to abortions, if you're anti-abortion. You're allowed to say that in general you think that love is love, regardless of whether the two people in love are two men, or a man and a woman. He doesn't say any of this stuff.

He does, however, have this great picture of himself posing by the party booths for Democrats, Republicans, Greens, and Jessecrats. It sort of implies that they all think he's awesome. Never mind that this picture was taken at the State Fair, and anyone who wants can take a picture of themselves in the DFL booth at the State Fair.

So anyway, here's another "he's a stealth Dominionist" article, which he responds to, once again. In his rebuttal, he says (among many other things) that the article says he's on the board of a network of radio stations "that preaches hell-fire and damnation to gays, pro-choicers, and other liberals." Griffith responds, "Wrong again. I am on the board of ONE radio station in International Falls. They have nothing to do with politics, just service to the community."

Here's the radio station: PsalmFM. And their programming listing.

Let me note for the record that I do not think Christian is synonymous with Dominionist, nor do I think that a Christian radio station inherently "preaches hellfire and damnation" to anyone. And I'm not going to listen to the shows. But I did visit some of the websites, and found stuff that disturbed me, like the "Eight Lies About Marriage" article from familylife.com that listed as lie eight, "there's no hope for my marriage--it can't be fixed." (Look, if your husband is beating you, you need to get out. This is not a fixable situation and you should not stick around and pray for God to change his heart. This website does have an article about abuse that at least says that it's unacceptable and not the fault of the victim, and encourages victims to leave -- but with the ultimate goal of reconciliation because "change is possible." Yeah.)

Also, the PsalmFM website itself features a "Marriage Minute" (a video made by the group that's pushing for the anti-gay amendment that's on the ballot this year). Interestingly, on Griffith's facebook page, someone asks, "Will you strive to give LGBT equality?" Griffith responds, "EVERYONE deserves to be treated equally under the law."

There's a level of disingenuousness in his campaign that is frankly breathtaking.

Back in 2010, Griffith was also running for judge, and a lot less stealthy about his beliefs -- apparently he got endorsed by both the GOP and the ultra-conservative Constitution Party.

Anyway, I will wholeheartedly endorse Lorie Skjerven Gildea on the grounds that Dan Griffith IS, in fact, a stealth Dominionist, and a freaking dangerous one -- he apparently got 48.5% of the vote in the Judicial race he ran in back in 2010. Gildea is a Pawlenty appointee, and I would prefer someone more liberal. Griffith is NOT IT.

But he wants you to think he is, while he counts on his religious-right allies picking up on all the cues about his real beliefs.

Election 2012: Soil & Water, St. Paul

Sat, 13 Oct 2012 22:26:48 GMT

First, an update on the move: we pushed it back to after Election Day, so I will definitely be voting in Minneapolis. However, since I've already done a bunch of St. Paul oriented research, I'm still going to do endorsements for St. Paul.

I'll get to the Minneapolis Soil & Water endorsements in a few days -- I e-mailed people and want to give them a chance to respond. (However, I will note for the record that when you're an elected official -- any sort of elected official -- and I can find no way to e-mail you, your opponent would have to be really pretty goddamn bad for you to get my endorsement.)

Anyway! On to the St. Paul Soil & Water District Commissioners. There are two contested races.

Soil and Water Supervisor District 2
Gwen Willems
Greg Ryan

I am endorsing Gwen Willems. She's endorsed by the DFL and is the incumbent. I found a newspaper article that noted they tried to reach her opponent and got no response. I googled her opponent and came up dry. Gwen it is, then.

Soil and Water Supervisor District 5
Matt Ledvina
Margaret Ann Behrens
Dee Dodge George

Yes, that would be three candidates. I think I read that there was a tie in the primary.

I am endorsing Matt Ledvina, who has both a website and some actual qualifications for the job. (He's a Civil and Environmental engineer with significant professional experience in stormwater management.) He's also endorsed by the DFL.

Of the other two -- all I found about Dee (Dodge) George was her LinkedIn page, which says she's a lobbyist for the pharmaceutical industry. (I think? The employer is Takeda Pharmaceuticals and her first job accomplishment listed is, "Lobbied in five state region on legislative and regulatory issues with potential impact to business interests and executed favorable outcomes." I am pretty sure I'd rather she not be on the SWCD board.)

Margaret Ann Behrens turned up as someone who'd filed a lawsuit against another candidate in a prior race and had her lawsuit thrown out. Which made for mildly interesting reading. I was not super impressed.

Back in a bit with judicial candidates and the mystery of What the Hell Dan Griffith Believes. This may take a while.

My Gaylaxicon Schedule

Fri, 05 Oct 2012 04:42:54 GMT

I'm going to Gaylaxicon this weekend. If you're looking for me, here's where to find me:

Writing Straight (when you’re not)
Friday 4:30 PM Terrace 2
GoH Lyda Morehouse is a lesbian woman who writes straight romance. Beyond forgetting the penis in the occasional sex scene, what sorts of problems do writers like Lyda run into? Is there pressure from Romance editors to adopt a straight “persona” at signings and other publicity events? What about QUILTBAG writers who write children’s books? Maurice Sendak stayed in the closet until he was 80 years old; is that pressure still there?
Haddayr Copley-Woods, Monica Ferris, Naomi Kritzer (m), Lyda Morehouse

Ethics and Art
Friday 6:00 PM Terrace 3
How do ethics affect the artist? We will talk about different ideas and situations, including pricing, copyright infringement, stealing ideas, borrowing themes, payment from art shows, taxes and how we treat each other!
M. Nicholas Almand, Eleanor Arnason, Peri Charlifu (m), Naomi Kritzer, JoSelle Vanderhooft

Minnesota SpecFic Writers
Saturday 9:30 AM Terrace 2
The Twin Cities is home to more than its share of great speculative fiction authors, and we’re glad to have some in attendance.
M. Nicholas Almand, Naomi Kritzer (m), Catherine Lundoff, Kathryn Sullivan

Remembering the Penis: Queer Women Writing M/M Slash
Saturday 5:00 PM Terrace 2
WHY is so much M/M slash written by queer women (some of whom have literally zero experience with the body parts involved)? What do people get wrong, and how much does it matter? (I mean, no one expects video porn to accurately portray anyone’s sexual experience...) Does this spill over into more mainstream erotica? What is the appeal of dirty, dirty fanfic, anyway?
Haddayr Copley-Woods, Naomi Kritzer, Lyda Morehouse (m)

Women at Gaylaxicon: Where r u?
Sunday 9:30 AM Terrace 2
Gaylaxicon has a lot more G than L (and even less T) -- pre-registration was about 35% women. What other pieces are missing from the QUILTBAG? How could it be a more inclusive con?
Eleanor Arnason, Carrie Devall, Naomi Kritzer (m), Lyda Morehouse

Writing Across Fandoms
Sunday 11:00 AM Terrace 3
Naomi and Eleanor (unintentionally) wrote Furry stories; Lyda started out writing SF and then switched to paranormal romance; Kyell is best known for his Furry writing but has written outside the genre as well. How often do we think we know our audience, only to find out that our stories had a completely unexpected appeal to other readers? How do you build on this sort of fortuitous cross-fandom appeal?
Eleanor Arnason, Haddayr Copley-Woods (m), Kyell Gold, Naomi Kritzer, Lyda Morehouse

Some notes:

I signed up for programming, then came up with some items I wanted them to add and suggested/volunteered for them and neglected to say "...but take me off some of this other stuff."

However, I don't remember even volunteering for MN Spec Fic Writers (though obviously I am a Minnesotan spec fic writer) as I have nothing in particular to say about this topic other than "yup, I live in Minnesota, all right. Would you like me to tell you about the spec fic that I write?" so how I wound up moderating it (at 9:30 on Saturday!) I'm really not sure. I don't even usually GO to the inevitable MN Spec Fic Writers panel (every local con holds it; presumably at Armadillocon it's TX Spec Fic writers and at MileHiCon it's CO Spec Fic writers...) so I don't even know what sorts of questions usually get asked. I try to bring a list of questions when I'm going to moderate a panel and depending on how sleepy and slap-happy I am on Saturday morning, these questions may be pretty random.

I will also be carrying signup sheets for people interested in volunteering for Minnesotans United for All Families and attempting to recruit. (I'm not expecting to be particularly successful. On one hand: I bet everyone there supports gay marriage. On the other: as IF a bunch of SF fans want to call up strangers on the phone to talk to them about ANYTHING.) I have now done phone banking four times at two different offices and I can tell you which office has better snacks (St. Paul) and easier parking (St. Paul) and perkier volunteer coordinators (Minneapolis) and better technology (toss-up unless you really prefer a headset to a handset, in which case Minneapolis).

Elections 2012: State Legislators

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 02:39:45 GMT

I'm kind of on a roll here so let me see if I can kick out another post tonight.

In Minneapolis, I live in 63A.

State Senate, District 63
Patrick Marron (Republican)
Patricia Torres Ray (DFL)

I like Patricia and think she does good work generally. She door-knocked our house when she was trying for the DFL endorsement back when she first ran. We were getting ready for a party but invited her in to chat with us while we cleaned and cut up vegetables and so on, which she did. What actually swung us to support her was that she arranged childcare for delegates at the DFL Senate District Convention -- which said to me that she paid attention to the barriers that keep people from participating, and was actually committed to doing something about them. That is the sort of thing that I want in the people who represent me in the legislature. (The day care was set up by her campaign, but it wasn't just for her delegates -- it was for any delegates who needed to bring kids that day.)

Patrick Marron doesn't seem to have a website. I wasn't going to vote for him anyway, though.

State House, District 63A
Kirk Brink (Republican)
Jim Davnie (DFL)

My State House rep is Jim Davnie. Jim I know personally pretty well -- we met when Ed and I were volunteering for DFL legislative candidates and both Jim's wife and I were pregnant. Jim door-knocked when Molly was about a week old and broke off his "hi, I'm Jim Davnie and I'm running..." spiel mid-sentence when he realized that it was me and OH MY GOSH I'D HAD MY BABY and he got all excited and wanted to hear how the birth went and so on.

He's also thoughtful, responsive, and a good legislator. On occasions I've disagreed with him and he will listen to me respectfully and then tell me that he thinks I'm wrong. He's also a fantastic speaker in front of a crowd; when Sabo retired I was disappointed that Jim didn't run for U.S. House (although I like Ellison) and during the primaries a few years ago I was disappointed that Jim wasn't running for U.S. Senate (although I like Franken).

Kirk Brink doesn't seem to have a website and doesn't seem to have responded to any candidate surveys. (I will admit I'm doing this kind of early, but the one I found, Jim Davnie HAD responded.) I would make fun of him for his lack of effort, but like Patrick Marron, he's totally going to lose.

In St. Paul, I'm going to be living in 64B.

State Senate, District 64
Sharon Anderson (Republican)
Dick Cohen (DFL)
Scott Larson (Independent)

Oh. Oh my. It's Sharon Anderson.

Let me tell you a cautionary tale.

Back in 1994, Sharon ran in the Republican primary for Attorney General and won the primary. There were three prevailing theories at the time: (a) people thought she was some famous-ish actress by the same name, (b) the knee-jerk feminists had said "oh, a woman, I'll vote for her," and (c) the knee-jerk Scandinavians had said "oh, an Anderson, I'll vote for her." Or some combination of the three. Whatever it was, she wound up as the Republican candidate for AG, running against Skip Humphery, who beat her handily. The Republicans didn't even endorse her -- they were so appalled that I think they seriously considered endorsing Skip Humphery, because Sharon is up there with the guy who thinks Laura Ingalls Wilder is God in the annals of eccentric local politicians.

In a sense, you can credit Sharon with these posts, because when I'd get to the bottom of the ticket, when I didn't know anything about the candidates and would think about voting for the woman or the person with the appealing name, I'd think about Sharon Anderson, and leave those choices blank. Which bothered me, so I started doing research before I went in, and I blogged about it, and voila. My empire of political influence.

So, Sharon's website is here. I have occasionally pondered who I'd vote for in various races if my criteria for choosing candidates was not "who will best serve the public interest" or "who will represent my views" but "who would be the most entertaining?" (I think the xkcd guy with the hat probably chooses his political candidates that way.) I suppose I might vote for Sharon if that were my criteria because the level of disruption she would bring to the state legislature might be rather impressive. Although it would probably get old really fast.

Dick Cohen's website is here. He's been in the state legislature for forever. Seriously, he first went to the legislature in 1986. I was thirteen in 1986. He appears to be a solid liberal who would represent me well.

Scott Larson's website is here. He's also a solid liberal and appears to agree with Dick Cohen on pretty much all issues but he thinks Cohen has been in the legislature for too long. I think my favorite campaign promise ever has got to be this one: I will have a 24/7 PERSONAL phone number and e-mail so YOU can reach me any day, any time. I will ALWAYS remember WHO I represent and WHO sent me. YOU deserve to have YOUR voice heard.

OK, I've changed my mind. Hat Guy would totally vote for Scott Larson. Entertainment around the clock.

I mean, talk about the sort of promise you only make when you know you are safe from any possibility of actually winning.

Anyway, I'm going to endorse Cohen although I will admit a certain suspicion of people who have been in the State Legislature since "Addicted to Love" was first climbing the charts. (I should get over it. I know that in national politics, you have incredible influence as a ranking committee member, and you can use it to send oodles of money back to your district. You want really, really nice roads? Vote for incumbents. Yes, I realize that THIS IS PROBABLY THE PROBLEM WITH AMERICAN POLITICS RIGHT HERE but on topics like this I am inclined to shrug and play the game the way the rules were written.)

I have to say, though, I'm really puzzled by the fact that on one hand, there are enough Republicans in this district to have a noticeable number of Hernandez signs around, but on the other hand, their alternatives to Cohen are a guy who's running to his left, and a woman whose website suggests that she might be channeling transmissions from aliens through her dental fillings. If I were a Republican living in Senate District 64 I think I would go with a write-in.

State House, District 64B
Brandon Carmack (Republican)
Michael Paymar (DFL)

Brandon Carmack has a website that even has a helpful link for Why Me, Not Him. His reasons for why him and not Paymar:

1. Unemployment is bad and our leaders haven't done enough about this. (Given that the Republicans have held a legislative majority for the last two years in both the State House and the State Senate, I'd say he's making a good point, but not the one he's trying to make.)

2. Paymar supports bonding bills to support education. I am actually not a huge fan of bonding bills -- I'd rather raise taxes on everyone, and support all the school districts equally, but I also think that individual municipalities should have the right to raise their own taxes to support their schools, if they choose to do so. Carmack's explanation for why bonding bills are bad is so incoherent I'm just going to quote it:

My opponent supports bonding bills in the name of helping our children and their future. The logic behind this argument falls flat on its face. Public education is about the advancement of knowledge in our youth - SO THEY CAN BE SELF-GOVERNING. Using bonding bills to educate our children is like putting candy in front of their face while chaining them to a post.

...what?

Seriously, if anyone can make heads or tails of that, please translate it for me. It may be the SO THEY CAN BE SELF-GOVERNING in all caps that's really throwing me off but then I get to the candy metaphor and ... what?

3. Paymar has supported legislation that gives tax breaks to companies that hire ex-convicts and this seriously offends Carmack. Personally, I'm in favor of not taking someone who broke the law (most ex-cons out there were not RAPISTS AND MURDERERS, as it happens -- mostly they committed property crimes and drug crimes) and and throwing them away forever. I believe in rehabilitation. This means helping people find jobs.

So, basically, I'd say Carmack has pretty well sold me on Paymar, but let's check out his website, too.

Solid liberal. Sort of boring in how solidly liberal he is. He's been in the legislature for 16 years so he's very focused on the stuff they actually do and don't do; very pragmatic but still idealistic enough that he voted against the budget compromise agreement. I don't have the personal connection to him that I have to my Minneapolis legislators but whatever, he looks like someone who will represent my beliefs and principles extremely well. He's got my endorsement.

Carmack also complains about how long Paymar has been in the legislature (16 years!) which given that everyone in 64B is also in 64 is sort of hilarious. Paymar has nothing on Cohen in the legislative longevity department.

Election 2012: Congressional Races

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 01:23:50 GMT

I know I said I would work from the bottom up, but I started to do some research and remembered that there's a questionnaire that Soil and Water people have the opportunity to fill out, and they haven't yet. So I should probably hold off until later in October to do those.

So let's do the Congressional reps.

U.S. Representative, District Five.

Minneapolis is in Minnesota's 5th District, and there are two candidates: Keith Ellison (DFL) and Chris Fields (Republican).

I would like to give the Republicans a hearty, encouraging pat on the back for running a candidate in the 5th District. There are some shocking number of races where Congresspeople run unopposed because everyone knows the guy's going to win so why even bother to file? Chris Fields' website is here. He echoes some standard Republican talking points on the economy and health care while staying away from social issues. He's totally going to lose.

Keith Ellison is a vocal member of what Wellstone called "the Democratic wing of the Democratic party" while also being willing to vote in favor of half a loaf, if that's the best we're going to get. I like his politics, I like him personally (he's an excellent speaker) and frankly, I would vote to keep him in office if for no other reason than the fact that as a liberal patriotic African-American Muslim Congressman, he makes right-wingers' heads explode on a daily basis.

U.S. Representative, District Four

St. Paul is in the 4th Congressional district and the incumbent is Representative Betty McCollum. I have paid less attention to McCollum over the years than Ellison, but so far as I know she's respectably liberal. I have the impression that the 4th district is less safely Democratic than the 5th, probably in part due to all the Hernandez signs I've seen in St. Paul. (According to Wikipedia, the 4th district has been represented by Democrats since 1949 -- the 5th, only since 1963. So I'm probably wrong.) Here's who's on the ballot:

Betty McCollum (DFL, incumbent)
Tony Hernandez (Republican)
Steve Carlson (Independence)

As I noted for the Senators, "Independence" = Jessecrat, and you really can't draw any conclusions from party affiliation about what a given candidate stands for.

Betty McCollum's website is here. I will note with some disapproval that she doesn't have an "Issues" link, but she is the incumbent and she has a Wikipedia page, which notes that she has a 91% Progressive rating, she's been a supporter of GLBT rights since first taking office, and she's a member of the House Appropriations Committee.

Tony Hernandez's website is here. I am amused by the fact that he doesn't mention his party affiliation anywhere (or if he does, he hides it pretty well). Like Fields, he also mostly avoid social issues, although his economic plan is full of posturing and meaningless puffery: "I will vote against raising the debt ceiling" (here's the thing: if you want to refuse to raise the debt ceiling, you need to start by passing a budget that doesn't require the debt ceiling to be raised), "Congress must eliminate redundant spending and reduce taxes" with nothing anywhere that talks about what he would cut, exactly, to make this work (hint: eliminating redundant spending will not balance the budget. You need to either raise taxes, or make significant cuts, which probably means significant cuts to defense spending because that's where we spend the biggest chunk of our discretionary budget!) Also, he claims that gas prices are high because of deficit spending.

Having looked at Steve Carlson's website, I'm going to say he's a crank. He calls himself a Tea Partier, he apparently thinks he's running against Walter Mondale (it's not 100% clear whether he thinks he's Ronald Reagan), and he has a badly put together website with a URL that suggests it's still 2010. If you're a glutton for punishment, though, check out his rap video. (From 2010.)

Anyway, I'm going to vote for Betty McCollum.